Look at me all professional! I just made myself some sweet business cards through MOO even though I'm not sure what I do here constitutes legitimate business. But, hey, as long as you guys keep showing up, they might let me keep writing books and if that's not the awesomest business plan, I don't know what is.
In my earlier professional life, I was always too shy to give out business cards, if I had any at all. Perhaps I was worried people would be intimidated by my high-powered career titles like Administrative Sorceress. Executive Ass-Kicker. Editorial Ninja. Kung Fu Fact Checker. Trust me, the last thing you want in your entry-level position is someone with strong opinions about serial commas and an overactive sense of justice.
The truth is, I was more afraid that if I gave out my real business cards, which sadly never reflected the appropriate amount of badassery I brought to the table, somebody would immediately ask me for a cup of coffee. Because even though technically people weren't supposed to do that anymore, they still did. I wonder if that's why I never developed a coffee habit? Because I got so sick of grown adults asking me to get them coffee when they already knew where the kitchen was and they presumably learned how to pour their own beverages at some point in their hazy past. Can't you see I'm too busy with this very important filing to get you coffee? If these dumb forms don't get filed in the right place, you're not going to be able to find them later and who's going to have to deal with your caffeine-fueled rage? Me!
You know what nobody likes? An admin assistant with fricking attitude.
Ah, but soon I'll be a published author with fricking attitude. A published author who can't make a decent cup of coffee, but who, despite the state of the rest of the house, has the neatest files you've ever seen. (And business cards!)
Aren't you glad I never asked you for coffee? See how enlightened I was? Of course I'm still waiting for the Chocolate Mousse Cake, the Key Lime Pie, the Goat Cheese Ice Cream, the ......
Posted by: Dad | April 05, 2013 at 02:50 PM
Fricking?! Fricking?!?!? The next time you bypass an opportunity to curse, I'm snapping your hiccup pencil in two, young lady.
(The cards are lovely, though. Some would call them wintersweet.)
Posted by: Fish Sauce Hater | April 06, 2013 at 06:38 PM
FSH: I know, I know. I just liked the way fricking sounded better in this context. (Like this is fucking poetry or something!!)
Dad: Ah, but you did get the baklava, the carrot cake, and the gorgonzola truffle eggs!!
Posted by: Tammy | April 06, 2013 at 07:29 PM
I like that your business cards have pie on them! I also like that you made (I hope!) a Flight of the Conchords joke, because I miss them.
Posted by: Adrienne | April 08, 2013 at 08:48 PM
Adrienne: I did and I miss them, too!
Posted by: Tammy | April 08, 2013 at 09:13 PM