The C Word

I have some bad news.  I don’t really know how to say this, so I’m just going to come right out with it.  I’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer. 

No, I am not kidding.  Would I kid about cancer?  Okay, maybe I would kid about cancer.  And that, my friends, is what is known as poetic justice.  Cancer has a vast network of spies.  Be careful what you say.

I’ve struggled with whether or not to bring this up on the blog.  This is a food blog, after all, not a cancer blog.  And I don’t want this to become a cancer blog (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  But this blog is about my life through food, and if I censor my life too much, then it doesn’t feel honest.  Plus, logistically speaking, it was going to be tricky to hide it.  Sooner or later you were going to wonder why all of my dinners of late have been composed of 50% potato chips and 50% tequila.  The increased unexplained absences might seem suspicious given my previously consistent blogging schedule.  And the mood swings.  My god, the mood swings.  PMS is dreadfully boring by comparison. 

So, here I am with cancer (WTF?) trying to figure out what the hell this means for the future.  I have to assume that there will still be food to write about as I adapt to my new reality.  We still have to eat.  I still want to cook.  It will be more important than ever to eat healthy.  I’d like to keep things as normal as possible for my family and for me, and the blog could be an important part of the equation.  But, I really can’t say at this juncture what’s going to happen.  I’ve pretty much lost my appetite since I found out and most of the stuff I’ve written since isn’t fit for print, even by lowly blog standards. 

On the bright side, breast cancer isn’t automatically the death sentence I initially thought it was.  There are plenty of survivors who tell a happy story.  My goal is to be one of them.  And if I fall short of that goal, well, I’m still going to write the ending however I want, so fuck you, Cancer, you dick.  Surgery is next week and then at some future point a bunch of radioactive chemical cocktails will be prescribed.  Or something.  (I didn’t hear any of the words after they said cancer.)  I might have some posts  on the topic planned for this week since I have a few things to get off my chest, so to speak.  But then I have a guest blogger in the works to keep you guys entertained post-surgery.  I hope to find my way back to writing eventually.

Anyway, let’s not completely lose all perspective on the matter.  I mean, it could totally be worse.  It could have been cancer of the c-word!

Comments

[sarah]

you are so brave Tammy. Stay strong!!!

[Fish Sauce Hater]

You're in our thoughts. Fuck cancer. It's not worth your time.

[Jeena]

I realize that any shock I'm feeling at the news is pretty microscopic compared to what you must've felt. This shouldn't happen to anyone.

I'm sorry you have to contend with this. But I'm looking forward to you kicking cancer's ass up and down the block.

Thank you for trusting us with such a personal piece of information, and please know that I will be thinking good thoughts for you.

If there's anything a semi-stranger from the Internet can do from however many miles away Seattle is, please let me know.

[Victoria]

You will beat this! I'm sure many of your bloggy friends, if they are like me, are staring at the screen not knowing quite what to say, but wishing to find the right words to give you strength, comfort, hope. From reading your blog for the last year or so, I know you do have quite an attitude and that should be an asset to you in fighting for your good health. I know everyone is behind you Tammy! Write whatever helps you!

[Kate]

I'm a lurker, coming out to say that you'll be in my thoughts and I'll be looking forward to reading your happy survivor story at some point in the future. Going back to my corner now...

[Sarah]

I've read your blog for quite some time and I am so sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis. I'll be sending you good thoughts and I know you have what it takes to beat this!

[Vicki]

Cancer so sucks, but if anyone can kick its ass, you can. You have a ton of friends in the blogosphere that are praying for you, and will help in any way you need.

[Margaret Spear]

I enjoy your blog and your attitude. Good luck.

[Helen]

That is crappy news indeed but you sound positive at the moment. I know many survivors of breast cancer and I'm sure you will be another one. I do hope you find your appetite at some point soon too.

[lesliet]

One more happy story here - 8 years post breast cancer and no recurrance. And the surgery and radiation weren't all that bad, really. (Thankfully, I didn't need chemo, so can't speak to that, but I hear it's getting better all the time.) Hang in there and you will be another one of these happy stories.

[Jocelyn]

Good luck! My dad was diagnosed with leukemia last October and is (hopefully) on the road to recovery. I hope things go as smoothly as they can for you and your family.

[Sarah Cave]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, and your family too - your blog has given me so much to smile about since I first started reading it, and I hope you'll all have good news to smile about yourselves before too long. I know several people who have been through this and made it back to good health, and I have every faith that if healthy eating, a good sense of humour and sheer bloody mindedness can help, you'll be joining them very soon indeed! Best wishes from Sarah (UK)

[Erin]

Tammy,

I'm a longtime blog reader and fan. I am so sorry to hear about this diagnosis but am confident you can get through it. Stay strong.

[Pam]

Let me know if you ever need anything - I'm in your neighborhood all the time. You're going to kick this thing's ass!

[Sarah T]

Cancer totally sucks and I'm sorry you have to go through it, but am sending all kinds of good thoughts and wishes that you will get through and will be staring at the back of the whole experience in as short a time as possible!

[Yet another Pam]

Another lurker here. We're all pulling for you, even if we don't know how to say it.

[Jess]

That fucking sucks. Let us know if you run out of chips and/or tequila. We'll fedex.

[Ed]

You're going to beat this.

[Alanna]

Be strong, be well, BE.

[NurseJen]

Good for you for getting pissed at it. Equally good that you keep some semblance of humor about you. Plenty of women survive this, so will you. You eat well, and otherwise take good care of yourself (aborted attempts at biking to the store notwithstanding.)

Would it help if I sent back those Bacon Mints?

Stay strong.

[Penny]

I've been a lurker on your blogg for ages. But now I want to send a comment. I'm so sorry to hear your news. I sending you good luck and best wishes. Please keep blogging if you feel up to it.

[Joy]

You can do it Tammy! Lots of love from BlogWorld. My grandma beat it in the 70's and she's still raising heck to this day. You're going to do it!
You've got bunches and bunches of us who are behind you, supporting you from the sidelines, no matter what!
Now kick some cancer tail, while I scurry off to find you some out of season Cadbury Eggs!

[Sobaka]

De-lurking to express my support and sympathy. Two years ago I was diagnosed with cancer of the c-word (cervix, haha) and uterus. It was a complete shock because I had zero risk factors. The doctor was completely mystified, but there it was. You are going through the worst part right now. When the surgery is over you will be so GLAD to be out of the hospital that nothing else will matter very much, and every day after that you can tell yourself that you are one step closer to recovery. Hang tough, just concentrate on the logistics of preparing for surgery day, and don't think about afterwards. It won't be as bad as you think. Take care.

[Penny]

You know how the blogging community likes to take care of one another. You can bet that you are going to have plenty of healing vibes coming your way.

I'm gonna scuttle off to find a study I just read on the positive results from adding ginger to your diet in the weeks before Chemo.

I'll email what I find. We can all share ideas and recipes for food that will heal and keep you eating during your recovery.

If some of those items can become guest blogs then you'll have a short term "recovery food" section on a great site.

[Chris]

My thoughts are with you. Be well, take care of yourself (however you have to) and fuck cancer!

[Leah Bloom]

I wish you strength, luck, and the best care in the world. If, as another Boston-area food blogger, there's anything I can do, please let me know!

Leah
Boston Sustainable Food Examiner
http://tinyurl.com/sustainablefood

[danish]

I am so, so sorry. Thank you for sharing and letting us send good wishes your way.

[Sally]

Long time lurker, I could not stay lurking without wishing you all the best dealing with this

I will be thinking of you

[Kaela]

Shit, shit, shit.

Sending good karma your way.

[andrea]

Fuck.

It's a sad state of affairs when you wish a blog post was actually about the other c-word. Or at least cumin, or chard, or cabbage.

For once, I'm at a loss for words. Sending good thoughts your way.

[jen maiser]

Thinking of you, Tammy. You're so bad ass that I know you're going to take cancer by storm just like everything else in your life. But, damn I'm sorry this is happening.

[Jill]

Hi Tammy,

I'm a regular reader of your wonderful blog. I love your sense of humor, and you never fail to brighten my day. Thank you for writing the blog and for sharing this with us, as painful as it is. We are all behind you. I am a local blogger also, so please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

[Melissa]

I have so much love for you Tammy, as do all these other fine friends. Hope you can feel it miles away. You can do whatever you put your mind and heart to, I imagine. So to echo the others, FUCK CANCER!

Also... have you ever ready Jen Yu at Use Real Butter? She spent a good portion of last year going through the same thing, and more than came out okay. She was also friends with Bri... just a recommendation if you want some inspirational blogger reading, not now I would think, but perhaps in the future.

I'll be thinking about you, lady. Lots of love.

[Amy]

Hi Tammy,

Your attitude will go a long way to kicking cancer's ass. If I had to pick a cancer's-ass-kicker, it would be you. My thoughts are with you.

[Amy]

Well, this sucks ass.

You can't go anywhere - I just found you. And there's a shortage of intelligent, funny people on the planet.

Be strong.

[giovanna]

Tammy,
My heart goes out to you! I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago. I thought my whole world was going to be turned upside down. It's amazing how much you shut down after hearing those words. But believe it or not things really weren't that bad. After 2 surgeries and 8 weeks of radiation I was kind of surprised at how no so terrible it turned out. You are one feisty girl so your strength will help you so much going into this.

Good luck to you sweetie, my thoughts will be with you. Keep us posted when you can.

[pyewacket]

Tammy - That's terrible. I don't have the words, I'm sure no one does. But I will be thinking of you.

[Brenda]

Shit! I'm sorry, Tammy. You keep up the fight and, when you need to, hand those reins to your family and friends. They'll help fight the fight.
Brenda

[Katie]

Take care of yourself and your loved ones. We will be here when you feel like posting whether it is about food or not.

[Amanda]

Well, screw that, I say! Heck no. Kick its ass.

Praying for you for real. I know people like to say that when they can't think of anything else to say, and then never do it. But I'm seriously praying. God, help my favorite blogger kick cancers ass. And He doesn't mind the cursing.

[cookiecrumb]

Oh, crap!
Listen, I know everyone is telling you to be strong. But don't forget to ask for help, any time you need it. We can be strong for you.
xoxo

[E in NYC]

Tammy, I am another long time lurker/reader/fan who has gotten so much pleasure from reading your blog. I just want to add my good wishes to those that everyone else has sent your way and to let you know that I will be among those who are sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. You can and will beat this -- and I look forward to reading your blog for a long time to come.

[Karen @ Mignardise]

So glad you shared the news with us. I hope all the love and support you find in these comments helps you through.

Cry when you want, blog when you feel like it and eat whatever the hell you want.
You'll be in my thoughts.

[WhatACard]

Well, shit. More positive thoughts coming from the blogosphere.

[Alana]

More good thoughts shooting through space towards you....Let us all know if there is anything that you need- the mail is quick, and most things ship well. You've got some real fans, might as well use us!

[Jennifer]

tammy, i love your blog and wish you tremendous strength and good luck in beating this. I live nearby and hope to run into you at Russo's (not in the parking lot with my car....inside near the baby bok choy so I can say hello). good karma thoughts to you...

[Angela @ Lost In Splendor]

First time here. I found you via Finslippy.

God this sucks. I'm really sorry.

Fuck cancer, for reals.

Sending good thoughts your way.

[Tea]

Cancer clearly picked the wrong lady to tangle with this time! Going to get its ass whupped, and how.

You are amazing, and I am sending all best thoughts and good wishes your way. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

[Kalyn]

You know I am totally pulling for you. Sending healing thoughts!

[owney]

Tammy, I have no idea what kind of breast cancer you have, but just wanted to say that my mother beat a case of it six years ago, and is now 70 and perfectly healthy, with both her breasts to boot. I'm hoping you caught this early and that everything will be okay for you too. So so sorry to hear about your diagnosis but please try to stay positive and strong... and if you do keep blogging about food or anything else, that would be awesome for those of us who love to read you.