How2Choke

There’s a Web site out of Cambridge called How2Heroes that films fun, educational videos of local people demonstrating their food-related crafts.  You can watch Joanne Chang of Flour Bakery make her famous sticky buns, and learn about cheese-making from the farmers at Shy Brothers Farm in Westport.  They even have regular folks like you and me cooking stuff.  It’s worth checking out if there’s a topic or technique you’d like to learn more about, like maple sugaring, and you’re sick of the annoying personalities on the telly.

They contacted me a few months back about doing a video for one of my recipes.  I came up with what I thought was a very convincing string of excuses for why I didn’t think that would be possible.  That I would be washing my hair that particular day.  That I would be brushing it the next.  That I would be attempting to style it for the next three days in a row and, no, the following week I would have to start the process all over again.  But they were remarkably persistent, and so it would seem that my remaining cat fell gravely ill.  Then family members started dropping like flies.  Some more than once.  At least one was brought to the brink of death but then experienced a miraculous recovery, only to have a fluke household accident finish them off 36 hours later.  It was very hard to keep all the stories straight, frankly.

Finally, orphaned and petless, I had a Wednesday free to do a video on how to make a very simple maple ice cream.  You can watch it here, if you’re brave enough.  Brave because you’ll notice that I drew upon my trademark ultra-relaxed, super-confident, breezy personal style that puts everyone at ease.  Don’t smile, Tammy.  We wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Given that the guys manning the cameras were as nice as could be, I can only surmise that the reason for my deer-in-headlights demeanor was that there was a second whisk that was lodged somewhere.  Somewhere unspeakable.  And every time I so much as hinted at letting my guard down, someone would come up behind me with a croquet mallet and take hard aim.  And now that you have that image in your head, this should be a hell of a lot more entertaining to watch. 

I’ll be sure to get myself good and liquored up next time.  If there is a next time.

Comments

[Katie]

Tammy! You did so good! I kept waiting for the guy with the mallet but you did a great job.

[Dad]

Pshaw!! Quit your excuse making, you did great! The ice cream was good too!!

[Jeena]

I just have to say that you are seriously AWESOME. You look exactly like I did giving my presentation in French class last week. Except that I speak at a rate so rapid that dogs start barking in response.

But honestly, you did great. And you did, too, smile! I feel brainless admitting it, but I had no idea how ice cream makers worked their magic. That was very, very cool.

I hope you do more of these in the future. I think the addition of liquor is a fantastic idea in just about any public speaking situation.

[Mary]

I think your video was great. I always though ice cream makers worked by magic before so it's nice to know how they really work. And I think you have the same style as some of the lovely PBS ladies. You were informative and smooth and not cracking any unneccessary witicism or coining any new phrases (like EVOO or Delish!) Besides, it's not like you were allowed to swear right?

[Alana]

Ice cream is very serious business! Rachel Ray could never give it the gravity that it deserves. And if you watch the great queen of food television, Julia, you'll notice that she never smiles.

[andrea]

You were probably told to avoid profanities and that would make anyone feel like a deer in the headlights. I just keep seeing the track playing in your mind: "don't say the ice cream is f'in awesome" or that maple sugar is "f'in hard to find" or drop an egg (that would sure set off a string).

By the way, your kitchen looks awesome! How did you get your countertop that clean? I'm afraid I would have to get a new one if they were going to film that closely.

[April in CT]

Gotta love a whisk for motivation.

Lefties rule!

[adele]

I can't watch videos in class - the professors turn a blind eye to quiet surfing, but they'll definitely say something if there's sound - but I'm sure it's an excellent demonstration.

[Dave Jones]

you did a great job that was awesome! icecream sounds delicious.

[tara greco]

We are huge fans of Tammy's maple ice cream! Thanks for making time for how2heroes!

[Sally]

very disappointed - I guess I am the only one who cannot see the video

it won't play for me no matter what I do

will have to try again later.....

[Tammy]

Sally: I will recap for you. Mix together eggs, maple sugar, cream, and milk, and pour it into an ice cream machine. I'm serious. That's it.

tara greco: I'm looking forward to redeeming myself on the baklava one. Maybe.

Dave: Thanks. The ice cream was good. However, the performance was a little stiff, even for me.

adele: Yes, please don't disturb your lecture on my account. It was just a lot of whisking and me blathering on about ice crystals.

April: Lefties do rule! However, I'd like to try future videos without the motivational whisk.

andrea: It's true, not swearing was taxing. Maybe I could just talk normally and they could bleep out the obscenities as needed. That would be a video I'd like to see. (P.S. That was my kitchen table we were using; the countertops are less than pristine.)

Alana: You bring up a good point. Ice cream is NOT to be trifled with. Actually, Husband said I looked like I'd been taken hostage by terrorists and was forced to make an ice cream video to prove that they were treating me well. (May all terrorists be so awesome.)

Mary: That's very kind of you. If I've managed to convey the information, then that's probably all that counts.

Jeena: There might be a second one. Or maybe not if they catch wind that I plan on being trashed that day (just kidding, Tara). But I'm glad you can relate to my public-speaking anxiety. At least I didn't have to do it in French!

Dad: You can be my body double if I pass out next time, okay? A shrinking violet you are not.

Katie: They edited that guy out. He was there, trust me.

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the support.

[Sally]

You did a fine job Tammy! And, what a great idea for a website - real people doing ordinary things. I don't know about you, but I learn something new so much easier when I can see how it's done. Good job Tammy!!

[Karen @ Mignardise]

Just found your blog. So fun! I'm always on the lookout for other New Englanders, especially those who love maple syrup AND get drunk at their kid's birthday party (good story).
I'll be watching How2Heroes for more!

[Fish Sauce Hater]

Remember in college when I begged you to take that class on Alimentary Theater and you ignored me? Now do you understand?