By now I’m sure we all know that the four food groups most of us grew up with are obsolete and have now been replaced with a nutrition "pyramid." Yes, the USDA has gone all trigonometric on our asses. Their reasoning: not all food groups are created equal. Some are more equal than others.
I can’t understand this new food pyramid, though. It has all these stripes running from top to bottom that look more or less the same in size. I mean, if you’re going to use a triangle to illustrate your point, then at least take advantage of what a triangle has to offer. The opportunity to discriminate. Put the larger stripes on the bottom and the smaller stripes at the top. Otherwise, you might as well have just added a couple of boxes to the original four-square diagram and called it a rectangle. Or, better yet, just use a circle and cut out pie slices because that’s all we’re going to eat anyway. Pie.
I prefer the previous version of the food pyramid, myself. It’s more intuitive.
I don’t have a nutrition degree, so I can’t vouch for its accuracy, but then accuracy’s not very important to me. Mostly, I just like the way delicious, bulky carbs fill out the wide foundation. Then come the (local) fruits and vegetables to shore up the middle. Dairy and meat taper off towards the top. And fats and sugars glisten threateningly at the apex, like the pointy end of an insulin needle. It’s maybe not the exact order I would have put things in, but then the USDA has PhDs and shit.
Anyway, I bring this up because something went horribly wrong with the food pyramid that the Kindergartener brought home from school yesterday. If by wrong I mean very, very right. It takes a while for new information to trickle down to the public schools, so they’re working off the old pyramid. Can you spot the problem?
Here is MY food pyramid:
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y70/Sugrplm/Food%20Pyramids/WritersFoodPryamid.jpg
Posted by: Katie | November 19, 2008 at 03:02 PM
The delicious foundation of fats, oils and sweets?
Posted by: Earth fruit is yummy and not bad | November 19, 2008 at 03:34 PM
I prefer the food web, wherein cows (a primary consumer) are lower than salmon (a secondary or tertiary consumer). Ever see a salmon eat a cow? Nothing but bone in under 30 seconds.
Posted by: Heather | November 19, 2008 at 04:29 PM
Oh my, that is so awesome. That's my kind of food pyramid!
Posted by: What A Card | November 19, 2008 at 04:37 PM
There is absolutely no problem with that pyramid at all. None.
Posted by: Alecto | November 19, 2008 at 04:43 PM
Woman, is cream cheese the only dairy you provide these children?!? For heaven's sake, I'd expect any child of yours to at least have yogurt up there!
Posted by: NurseJen | November 19, 2008 at 05:28 PM
The convenient thing about that pyramid is that you can add a head, arms, and legs and you will have the body I would get from eating that nutritional profile. It may be wide at the bottom, but it sure is delicious!
Posted by: andrea | November 19, 2008 at 07:12 PM
This makes perfect sense. The weight and density of the cream cheese causes it to sink to the bottom. It passes through the fruits and vegetables, floating nearer the top by virtue of their water content, picking up needed sugar and raspberries. The Triscuits and Mini Wheats are nailed across their layer and act as carbo-cheese cloth, packing down the solids to become the cheesecake with raspberry drizzle. The Gorton's fish sticks will slide down the side because of the grease.
Posted by: Jess | November 20, 2008 at 09:56 AM
Interesting. Does that mean I can put butter in or on everything, now? :)
Posted by: adele | November 20, 2008 at 10:28 AM
Hilarious. Jeez.
And Katie, that writer's pyramid is awesome. I'm saving that.
Posted by: Melissa | November 20, 2008 at 07:37 PM
I knew you'd like that Melissa! I'm sticking with that one!
Posted by: Katie | November 21, 2008 at 12:06 PM
Katie: It's clear I'm going to need more vices if I'm going to be a real writer. I've always wanted to smoke a pipe.
Melissa: I now have that Writer's Food Pyramid posted above my desk to remind me to drink more caffeine. I totally sleep away my best ideas.
Adele: I think the USDA would say YES!
Jess: Mmmmmm, you're right! Watch out, USDA, we have a competing pyramid. Your jobs are numbered.
Andrea: Funny you should mention it, but that triangle was part of a larger art project that had a head complete with chef's hat as well as arms and legs (which I removed for the picture, and then got in big trouble by the Kindergartener when he saw the dismembering). I'm not actually kidding.
NurseJen: Keep in mind that I played no role whatsoever in the creation of this pyramid. If I had my druthers, it would be just one big triangular block of bacon and chocolate.
Alecto: Agreed.
What a Card: It's actually pretty accurate when you consider how much corn syrup is in everything these days.
Heather: I've never seen a salmon eat a cow, but I'd be first in line to eat that particular salmon.
Earth fruit: Thanks, Robolad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COcR2Erpbx4
Posted by: Tammy | November 21, 2008 at 01:53 PM
Not totally unrelated...
Where around the Cambridge area are there any bakeries, restaurants, eateries, grocers, or what mail order shops are there for bread made from chickpea flour already prepared?...
Posted by: theszak | November 30, 2008 at 10:36 AM