A Marriage of Convenience

I usually steer a wide path around the mushroom bins at Russo’s because they always have an assortment of intriguing fungi, and I’m better off not knowing about it.  Mushrooms don’t always sit well with me, to put it mildly, and yet they are one of my favorite things to eat.  As expected, my desire to eat them is only heightened by the knowledge that I shouldn’t.

But something told me they would have morels that morning so I had to at least peek.  And there they were.  It was a small basket, just enough for me and maybe one other person.  A person who would be getting all the crappy ones, I thought, as I gently picked them over and clutched the bag close to my heart. 

Because I like to plan things well, it happened to be Passover weekend at Russo’s and the lines were excruciating.  Plenty of time to come to my senses, but no.  Instead, I ran through my intestinal emergency management plan:

1.    Benadryl.  CHECK
2.    Epipen.  CHECK
3.    Bucket.  CHECK
4.    15 gallons of water.  CHECK
5.    Toilet paper.  CHECK
6.    Health insurance in good standing.  CHECK

There’s never a good time to wager with your intestines.  But if there were, I rationalized, Patriot's Day weekend would be one of them.  Husband would be home on Monday to pick up my slack.  Surely, he wouldn’t find fault with my plan…as long as there was a plate of asparagus in front of him.  I can always get my way if I feed him asparagus.

So, I sautéed up those wild mushrooms with asparagus and some shallots in lots of butter and salt.  When I tasted the morels, all nutty and earthy and conjuring up only the finest aspects of the forest floor, I knew right then that there would be a price.  A severe price to be paid for that kind of pleasure.  It was enough to upset the delicate balance of one’s life.

After dinner, I resigned myself to my fate.  I knew I had no one to blame but myself.  I drank extra water.  I may or may not have crossed myself before bed, just in case.  But, do you know what?  I slept right through the night.  No incidents, whatsoever.

Maybe God doesn’t hate me after all.

Sautéed Asparagus and Morels

This is spring on a plate.  Yes, it’s a lot of butter.  Just go with it. 

4 Tbsp. butter
1 shallot, minced
1 bunch asparagus, woody segments snapped off the bottoms, remaining spears cut into 1-inch pieces
¼ lb. fresh morel mushrooms, quickly submerged in cold water, drained, cut in half
Salt and pepper to taste

In a large frying pan over medium heat, melt the butter.  When hot, add the shallots, asparagus, and morels, tossing frequently until the asparagus is tender, 8-10 minutes for thick spears.  Season with salt and pepper.

Comments

[Sandicita]

That sounds fantastic! I should make it to Russo's to see the new spring produce. Haven't been there in a while. I'm glad you didn't get sick!

[Inne]

Wow, you must really LOVE mushrooms to eat them regardless of the results! Very glad the result this time was just a good night's sleep. And they look absolutely delicious with the asparagus.

[aforkfulofspaghetti]

Heh. There you go. Fortune favours the brave and all that. Well done! Would have been a shame to see those morels again, after all...

[Whatacard]

Wow, all these food pictures...it's rough reading your blog! I saw morels at Whole Foods the other day and was tempted but ultimately passed them by. Now I wish I hadn't!

[Sally]

Shit. Dammit. I want some morels!! Sure, we have wild asparagus, but I want my morels!! Stupid Iowa. Stupid NORTHERN Iowa. Hrumph. And NO - we can't *buy* them at Fareway. Or anywhere. And why should we - they grow all over the place back home in the hills. I used to pick grocery sackfuls every May. Damn. Thanks a LOT Tammy.

[Mary]

Well the mushrooms are beautiful and I'm really glad you didn't get sick! And I wager on my intestines most days. :)

[Adele]

*sigh* I suspect it's finally time for me to give up reading blogs in class. It's one thing to stifle my laughter, but quite another to have to clean drool off my keyboard.

[andrea]

We had our first asparagus of the season last night - right out of the garden and into some olive oil in a pan. Yea, spring!

[brilynn]

That's the best way to do morels, just fried in butter. I can't wait to pick some this year.

[Lizzie]

Yum! That looks delicious, and I'm really glad you didn't get sick.

I know Russo's and their weekend lines all too well; I'm glad you made it out in one piece!

Love your blog, BTW :)

[Tammy]

Lizzie: I'm glad to meet you and your blog, too. My mom's gluten-free.

Brilynn: I remember your post about picking them last year. And I was insanely (INSANELY) jealous.

Andrea: Your own asparagus? Wow. I wish I didn't suck at gardening so much. I love asparagus roasted like that, too.

Adele: I'm starting to feel guilty about interfering with your education.

Mary: You just never know with intestines.

Sally: Sackfuls??? Holy crap. That would be the most delicious coma ever.

Whatacard: Go back. Right now.

Aforkfulofspaghetti: Definitely not as good the second time.

Inne: I'm just trying to slowly narrow the mushroom field so I don't have to go without all of them for the rest of my life. How sad would that be?

Sandicita: Russo's has been good to bridge the gap between CSA seasons. I saw rhubarb there, but I'm saving myself.

[melissa]

glad you made it through the night. ;)

I have never had morels. I knew what they were (morel is a fairly common "crossword word") but no clue on actual taste. I looked up what people think they taste like and saw a wide variety of descriptions. I guess I'll just have to try them myself. darn. :)

[Sarah]

Aha! Now I know why when *I* went to Russo's today, there were no morels. It's because of *you.*

(Even so, I'm glad you got off vomit-free.)