The Toddler hardly talked at all until he turned two. I thought he was going to grow up to be practically mute like me. We got through those early years through a combination of wild gesticulations and some sort of Toddler Morse Code of Screaming. Basically, a painful process of elimination.
But, within just a few months, his vocabulary mushroomed and he started forming whole sentences. My mind still can’t seem to wrap itself around this concept of him speaking. I hate to say it, but I think I may have accidentally gotten in the habit of ignoring him. Not the best way to win hearts and minds, I’ll admit. When I finally snap back to the program, my translations are terrible. A 25% success rate would be generous. How is it that I was a language major, exactly?
We were at the grocery store the other day, heading from produce at one end of the store to dairy on the other, when he launches into this long monologue that I can’t understand a word of. Then, he demands that I repeat it back to him, verbatim. My response, of course, isn’t right. Not even close, which causes him to start shrieking his incomprehensible syllables…much…slower…this…time, yet at an ear-splitting pitch. That is, until a stranger rushes up to me, “He says he wants to go see the lobsters. Lobsters are red. Lobsters can swim. You idiot.”
(sigh)
Ever get the feeling that half of the world’s frustration is caused by the feeling that nobody understands you?
That stranger was me! Just kidding.
Pete said nothing but "Mama! Diti!" until he was 2.5. I always knew exactly what he meant, so he had no incentive to learn any real words. "Mama" was his way to get my attention; "Diti" was whatever he wanted to say. He'd say, "Mama! Diti!" and I'd say, "Oh, you want more Cheerios!" and then he'd say "Mama! Diti!" and I'd say, "That certainly is a big bulldozer!" etc. Andy thought we were both nuts.
Posted by: Karen | January 10, 2008 at 03:53 PM
Way back when my daughter was around 2yrs old, she told me she wanted "doh-dit". "Donut"? I thought. "No! Doh-dit! Doh-dit!" Both of us spent the entire day frustrated, me because I was unable to translate, and she because she couldn't get through my obviously dense head. It took me until late afternoon to finally translate. "Yogurt?" I asked. "Yes" she said, with as much relief as a toddler could muster.
Posted by: dena | January 10, 2008 at 07:14 PM
I think a combination of ignoring/tolerating the previous screaming and a built-in desire to refuse his demands has impaired (retarded) Tammy's Toddlerese learning curve quite a bit. I have far less trouble translating Toddler wants and needs, and often I am the one telling Tammy what he wants. She hates that.
I also tend to cave in to the wants and needs far more easily. Secret cookies and the like, for instance.
Posted by: Husband | January 10, 2008 at 07:17 PM
In the early talking days, I confess I did say "Oh yes...umm-hmmm!" quite a bit as a standard response, but these days Toddler is much more understandable.
Posted by: Husband | January 10, 2008 at 07:32 PM
Husband: Stop calling me retarded.
Dena: I know that look of relief. Wish I saw it more often, instead of the one that looks like his head is about to explode.
Karen: Sounds like you're much more observant than I am. Context clues are useless to me. I need subtitles or something.
Posted by: Tammy | January 10, 2008 at 07:56 PM
I can't stop saying "peacocker"
Posted by: joey | January 10, 2008 at 09:30 PM
I'm just jealous of all of you because my 16-week old doesn't say much beyond, "aasdgageadabeadgeadsddllll ..."
Posted by: Fish Sauce Hater | January 10, 2008 at 10:44 PM
Ah, the complex inner lives of children. My grandmother was babysitting a toddler of Chinese heritage and kept saying "ludos". He was frustrated she didn't get it, she was frustrated she didn't get it. Finally she drove him to a Chinese restaurant to see if they could translate the obvious Mandarin word for what he wanted. They listened to him once and looked at my grandmother informing her that he wanted noodles. Good thing they were at a Chinese restaurant ;)
Posted by: Bri | January 10, 2008 at 11:02 PM
Kids. You spend the first two years teaching them to walk and talk. And the next 20 telling them to sit down and shut up! Waddya going to do?
Posted by: Sally | January 11, 2008 at 07:44 AM
I'd been babysitting my two-year-old nephew on and off for a couple of weeks, and the struggle to decipher his incessant babbling was beginning to wear on me. Imagine my surprise when, one day, it all finally came clear: "If you really loved me," the poor kid had been trying to say, "you'd quit trying to make me eat that damn pumpkin halvah." I forgave the "damn."
Posted by: Barry Foy | January 11, 2008 at 09:53 AM
I have to agree with Sally. My daughter told my she had to go potty until she was at least 5. Finally I had to tell her - GO, I don't need updates anymore. Today I had a two hour!! phone conversation with her. Actually, I enjoyed it and the fact that she still talks to me like I have a brain. Unfortunatly,I still have a problem understanding everything she saysI use the Husbands ummmm-hummm.
Enjoy while you can, it goes way too fast.
Posted by: Brenda | January 11, 2008 at 09:55 PM
Brenda: When I'm old and toothless, they'll get me back for sure. And now I have to go potty.
Barry: You can forgive the damn, but you can never forgive the halvah.
Sally: I know. What was I thinking?
Bri: Do you think it will work if I bring mine to a Chinese restaurant?
Hater: Count yourself lucky!
Joey: Me, neither!
Posted by: Tammy | January 11, 2008 at 10:27 PM