Absolut Hypocrisy

Okay, European readers, maybe you can help me understand something.

Several northern European countries lobbied the European Parliament to restrict vodka ingredients to the traditional potatoes and grain.  It seems that some producers have been getting creative with their ingredients, using things like grapes, beets, and sugar cane (guilty as charged) to make their “vodkas.”  Countries in the Vodka Belt (like Finland, Poland, and Sweden) argued that a clear line should be drawn as to what qualifies as vodka.

This week, the Parliament voted to reject a tightening of the definition of vodka.  As long as the ingredients are listed on the label, the resulting product can still be marketed as vodka.  And pretty much any agricultural product can be used to make it.  Kind of like how a martini is anything served in a martini glass.  Whatever happened to gin, anyway?

So, I’m confused because I thought the Europeans were all about standards.  Champagne can’t be made from potatoes.  It must be made from grapes.  Not just any grapes, but grapes grown in a very small geographic area.  There must be not only bubbles, but the bubbles must originate only from flatulent Frenchmen.  Spaniards will not suffice.  That’s what Cava is for.

The Scots were able to convince the Parliament to safeguard the ingredients and techniques for Scotch, so I’m not precisely sure why the European Vodka Alliance said that vodka had “no unique heritage” to merit a standard.  Am I missing something?  How is vodka different from any other spirit with a spirited history?  Or is it that no one cares about the countries in the Vodka Belt?

Obviously, this begs the question: What is vodka?  More importantly, how do we educate discerning college students about the differences between the myriad vodkas?  Does anything clear, alcoholic, with no flavor whatsoever pass for vodka these days?  If so, rock on.  I can’t wait to see where enterprising distilleries go with this.  We’ll need a whole new marketing campaign.  Some thoughts:

        - For agave vodka: It’s Just Like Tequila, but Vodka 

       -  For grape vodka: Kisses Cheaper than Wine

        - Or the catch-all slogan: Vodka: It Gets you Drunk

I always assumed, right or wrong, that Europeans had better standards than Americans for things like food, fashion, quality of life, etc.  That their sense of history and tradition trumped the potential profit that could be made by ignoring those things.  But this just proves that they suck just as badly as Americans.  Little by little, the pedestal is crumbling.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some cat urine to distill.

Comments

[cagouille]

From a French (with Polish family) point of view : I always assumed that vodka and kerosene were the same...
Vodka is just something people from Russia drink because water is not safe. But now they can't make the difference. (ask our President, at the last G8 Summit he couldn't either.)

[Carey]

I heard this very story on National Public Radio (NPR) mid-week last. It emphasized the discrepant ingredients in different types of vodkas (wheat - Russia and Sweden; barley - Finland, and rye and potato - Poland). Standardizing on potatoes or grain is a good thing, however those 70% that drink it regularly (also consume 70% of the EU supply) - do we think that they really know the difference? I mean, it's not like they are having temper tantrums because they have potato, grain, beet, AND grape distilled vodka. Consumers want choices (come on, we all get lost in the toothpaste aisle)!

I am not certain as to the reasoning for standardization - maybe it is the dying off of the agave plant in Mexico (base of Tequila) to accommodate the planting of corn to quell the fuel needs of the United States! Sounds like the demand for Vodka could go up and perhaps these are preventative measures to ensure a top of the line univeral offering...my last visit to the liquor store revealed the following inventory: stolichnaya, popov, finlandia, grey goose, belvedere, kettle one, absolut, chopin, van gogh, hangar one, 3 olives, luchsosova (sp), tanqueray sterling, smirnoff, skye, effen..some of which are potato vodkas..point being - we have lots of choices for lots of things. Let's hope the FDA doesn't start questioning some of the home brews that make it...

[Tammy]

Cagouille: That's some expensive drinking water. Thanks for your comment!

Carey: I'm not sure why I care, since I'm not much of a vodka drinker. I guess I just feel like, in general, the trend is to lower standards for everything. What about raising standards? Or even just maintaining them? So, to hell with vodka. As long as I have my beloved Maker's Mark and Sauza Hornitos, I'll take my potatoes fried.

[cagouille]

In fact it's a battle often fought in Europe (EU) these days : terroir (cf. wikipedia) vs Capitalism (a swearword, here).

For example : in Alsace they used to sell an excellent wine, Tokay, but alas, it's originally a Hungarian wine ; now in Alsace they sell it under the name "Pinot Gris", and only Hungarian producers can sell Tokay.

Another example : Feta (Greek cheese). Denmark and Germany fought (legally) for a long time against Greece to produce feta.

Hearing that Britain (America's well known Trojan Horse in EU) is "the world's second-largest vodka maker" sounds very wrong. (if you're not convinced, ask José Bové)

p.s. : in France, McDonald's competitor is from Belgium.

(please, excuse my poor language skills, and my not-so-french humour)