Well, loyal readers, my letter-writing campaign has finally paid off. Pure logic and determination have prevailed. Dunkin’ Donuts has decided to bring in the big guns to get their doughnuts back up to snuff. And it’s all thanks to me. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to pastry fixer-upper extraordinaire…Rachael Ray?
Wait, seriously? Why, at this very moment, she graces the front, sides, and back of at least three boxes of cereal and crackers in our house, a shocking exposé of how many Nabisco products are currently stashed in our cabinets. It may also explain why my kids sometimes refer to her as “Mommy.”
Yes, apparently, Rachael Ray is the new face of Dunkin’ Donuts, on top of everything else she is the face of. Odd bedfellows, but I guess the girl really needs her coffee. It certainly wouldn’t be the first substance-related hook-up in history. If only Fred the Baker were alive to see this, he might have gotten that much-needed spring in his step.
I can only hope that her cute self will be spending just as much quality time in the Dunkin’ test kitchen, baking doughnut after resurrected doughnut, as she spends at myriad photo shoots and important coffee-related press conferences. As part of her reign, she promises to help DD deliver “better-for-you” food. Funny, I didn’t know health figured into their mission statement. Still, it shouldn’t be too hard. When you’re starting with coffee and doughnuts, there’s really nowhere to go but healthier.
But, before we start adding crazy new products to the Dunkin’ Donuts repertoire, we ought to go back to basics. Really focus on the important things. No, not coffee, damnit, my chocolate honey-dipped doughnuts.
Save the doughnuts, Rachael Ray! The hopes and dreams of at least one person are pinned entirely on you. I know you won’t let me down.
Once upon a time Rachel Ray might have been the donut-lovin' girl next door, a perfect choice to save DD, but I fear she's become a face-time whore.
Hopefully she'll prove me wrong and I'll soon see that chocolate-covered honey-dipped on the menu.
A related question. What's your take on the Honey Dew?
Posted by: squeezyB | March 11, 2007 at 11:00 PM
I often stop at Honey Dew on the way to work for a cup of coffee. Their donuts are not bad, but pale in comparison to "real" doughnuts. Still much better than Dunkin though.
Posted by: Husband | March 12, 2007 at 09:33 AM
When I was young, a friend of the family would appear on occasion, always with a box of Honey Dews. I liked to toast (odd, why did I think to do this? no idea) the blueberry glazed cake donuts and butter them. I loved them, and still have to drive through and get one every now and again for nostalgia's sake. Though the thought of slathering it with butter now grosses me out.
Posted by: squeezyB | March 12, 2007 at 10:05 AM
This is good. Rachel Ray was in imminent danger of becoming commercially underexposed.
Posted by: Harrison3 | March 12, 2007 at 10:14 AM
H3, I guess looking at yourself in the mirror isn't enough these days.
SqueezyB, I'm intrigued by your blueberry-doughnut-butter-slathering ways. I may have to give this a try. Regarding Honey Dew v. Dunkin' Donuts doughnuts, I can only speak from the chocolate honey-dipped perspective, but Honey Dew seems to have a leg up on the glaze. Their glaze stays on the outside of the doughnut instead of soaking in all greasy-like. But, as my husband mentioned, they're still not good.
Also, just to clarify, because it's really important, the chocolate honey-dipped is the chocolate doughnut with the clear glaze all over it. The chocolate frosted doughnut is a yellow doughnut with chocolate frosting on the top. They're completely different animals. However, I could only find a chocolate frosted piece of clipart for Ms. Ray's halo, so I blame myself for the confusion.
Posted by: Tammy | March 12, 2007 at 10:59 AM
Gee, I've only seen her once in my life (as a captive audience on my car dealer's waiting room TV while getting my car's annual inspection). I guess I need to get out more!
Posted by: Dad | March 12, 2007 at 12:16 PM
Oops. I got it wrong. But I knew which doughnut you meant. My husband loves the ones you didn't mean. My husband also thinks that photo of Rachel Ray up there with her doughnut halo is hysterical.
Posted by: squeezyB | March 12, 2007 at 02:20 PM
She does look rather angelic, doesn't she? But did you notice the Dunkin' Donuts color scheme going on in that pillow? I didn't touch that up at all. What a suck-up.
Dad, something's telling me you'll be seeing her again very soon.
Posted by: Tammy | March 12, 2007 at 03:17 PM