Is there anyone else out there who likes to eat raw oatmeal?
It all started with the blueberry pecan granola that my local grocery store makes in-house. As soon as I professed my undying love for this granola, they immediately stopped making it. What the hell, Hannaford? Next thing you know, you’ll stop making those delicious salt and vinegar chicken wings at the wing bar. Oh god, I’ve said too much.
Anyway, I started trying to duplicate the granola at home, WHICH ISN’T AS GOOD, HANNAFORD! My homemade version wasn’t clumping right and the dried blueberries tasted different. I tried it a bunch of times, and finally, as I hovered over my last batch spread out on the pan, brow furrowed, hand on hip, I absent-mindedly licked the spoon. And then I ate half the batch raw straight off the pan.
So now I don’t bother making granola. I just melt a few teaspoons of butter and a few teaspoons of maple syrup in a small pot and stir it into a half-cup of rolled oats with—and this is very important—two pinches of fine sea salt. Voila. The best breakfast ever in under 2 minutes. Buttery and chewy, sweet and toothsome, it tastes like oatmeal cookie dough. Delicious! High-calorie to be sure, but I save it for gym days.
A quick Google search for any potential negative health effects didn't turn up anything too alarming, but I admit that I don't want to hear it. I'm enjoying this too much. If you know something I don't know, just give me a few more weeks before you break the bad news.