So It’s Come To This

I started the South Beach Diet on Monday. That means no sugar and no carbs for two weeks. Have I gone mad?

Yes. Yes I have.

The proof is in the pudding-sized pile of Butterfinger wrappers Husband came across a few weeks ago. I must have been so blissed out on mediocre chocolate and crystal peanut meth that I forgot to hide the evidence. Stealing from my own kids' Halloween buckets like a junky! For shame!!

It's no secret I've been having a hard time coming off the sugar-fueled roller coaster of the past year. Over the past two months, I've progressed to the point where I can go a whole day without sugar, two even, but by the end of the third, I'm wild-eyed and desperate and suddenly housing a jar of leftover chocolate fondue I found in the back of the fridge. A big jar. And I'm not feeling too good about myself afterwards.

That's where South Beach comes in. The underlying principle of the diet is to reset your physical and mental expectations for your sugar consumption. That means cutting out ALL sugar for the first two weeks, even the natural sugars found in high-glycemic fruits and vegetables as well as dairy. It's also means no carbs, which your body immediately converts into sugar. Meanwhile, you can eat as much as you want of everything else: meat, cheese, beans, eggs, nuts, leafy greens, cruciferous veggies. The idea is that once your system is entirely rid of the addictive substance, you don't crave it anymore. Then you can slowly add certain foods back into your diet (note: I don't think this works for cocaine).

Now before you start shaking your head at me like every single friend I've told about this bold move—as if Tom Cruise had suddenly appeared by my side with his manic, empty eyes and a mission— remember that this is just temporary. It's just for two weeks. I don't plan on living a carb-free, sugar-free life forever. I love those things and believe that most of them aren't bad for you in moderation. I just need to restore my original factory settings. The sugar cravings are driving me batshit insane, and something drastic needs to be done. They don't have any Betty Ford clinics for sugar addiction, as far as I know, so I'm stuck with the South Beach Diet and Husband as its bastard enforcer. It'll be a miracle if we're not divorced by Christmas.

After these two weeks pass, foods I fully intend to add back into my diet are: potatoes, whole grains, pasta, all fruits, and all the sweet veggies in my winter CSA share, like beets, squash, and parsnips. All of these will be fine once they don't taste like heroin to me. Thereafter, desserts will not be daily, and carby snacks discouraged. With any luck, I'll be able to return to my pre-cookbook way of eating, which has enabled me to maintain a stable, sustainable weight pretty much all my life thus far.

First step: clean out the refrigerator and freezer of all tempting items, including the pumpkin butter I like to eat out of the jar, and the various fig pastes left over from recipe-testing. Next, make the children eat the rest of their Halloween candy in one sitting. Hop to it, kids, you won't hear me say those words ever again. Ready, set, go! Third, have Husband hide the chocolates my neighbor brought back from Barcelona, and although you suspect he hid them in his own belly, try not to care. Fourth, send Husband to do the food shopping since he's the only one in this house who knows how to survive this diet AND lose 30 pounds AND keep it off. Fifth, get cooking.

Just don't mind my grumpy posts in the meantime!

Comments

[Sis]

May the force be with you.

[Husband]

I did this 1 year ago and was able to lose >30 pounds over the course of 4-5 months. With moderate exercise, I was able to add back whole grains and a few minor carbs and am able to keep most of it off. Until Halloween and T-giving ruined everything, that is. Now my pants are suddenly too small! Hence, the return to the strict 2 weeks.

[ilva]

yes may it be with you, feed it with my admiration for you doing this!

[melch]

Sounds rough, but you can do it!

[Sarabeth]

I'm very curious to see how this works for you. I'm 42 and I've noticed myself becoming more and more as you describe regarding sugar. I've not thought of it in those terms before, but sugar-addicted really fits (at least to certain forms--things like orange juice and diet soda have become unbearably sweet to me). I really crave something sweet (and fruit doesn't do it) several times a day. I also have resorted to spooning fudge sauce out of a jar in the fridge and eating hot chocolate mix or handfuls of frosted mini-wheats. ??? What is up with this--maybe it's hormonal? How old are you? Though I haven't seen the effects on the scale--yet--I am sure they're coming, and also I'm worried about becoming disposed to diabetes as I get older. Please tell me if the reset works and I will go for it in January!!

[NancyJ]

I feel your pain! Sugar-carbs is my crack as well. Keep us posted!

[Catherine]

After watching my mother yo-yo diet all her life I'm very anti-diet, but South Beach is pretty good. All that stuff about the glycemic index makes sense and is easy to follow while eating real food (yay eggs, nuts and cheese!)

[ellen]

YAHOOOO, GOOD FOR YOU!! south beach really works - it gets you back to reality/real food. i tried it and lost 35 pounds. the first 2 weeks are hellish but it really works. you go girl! ELL

[Adrienne]

Wow, good for you and best of luck!

(she says while nibbling the peanut butter M&Ms she just can't seem to stop buying)

[cycler]

I've also had pretty good luck with South beach for those "last 5" (or is that 10?) pounds.

I don't really stick with the "phase 3" but I have brought my weight down about 10 pounds and kept it there for 3 years so far. I have done a couple of quick 2 week tuneups if I'm starting to creep up (say over the holidays).

I think it's a good way to lose if you generally have decent habits but for some reason (testing a cookbook) have gone off the rails.

It will make you grumpy from low blood sugar,, and I find it not great at subbing in vegetarian options. I also have tweaked it a bit to work with the fact that I bike an hour a day to get to work and back) You can really crash if you do regular exercise and are strict about the phase 1.

I recommend Kayln's kitchen blog as a good source of recipes sorted by phase with fewer fake foods and weird branded products that are in the SBD cookbooks.

[Tammy]

Thanks for the support, guys! And, yes, cycler, Kalyn's Kitchen is a great resource for South Beach recipe ideas for all three phases. Good stuff!

[MichConnors]

I did this diet several years ago and lost 10 pounds on it. It's not really a diet, it's more guidelines on how to eat that you can follow for the rest of your life. Sadly I did not continue to strictly follow those guidelines and I'm now 10-15 pounds overweight again! I've been contemplating starting over but don't have the will at the moment.

I only did Phase 1 for 7 days because I didn't like the idea of going carb-less (even healthy carbs) for two weeks and it worked to rid me of my sugar cravings just the same.

Here is a forum I used to use a lot with many recipes and people who are evangelical about eating low glycemic and low sugar. Don't forget to eat beans, those help stave off cravings and give you energy! http://www.southbeach-diet-plan.com/forum/index.php