Coffee Break

One of the ways I've been coping with my deadline is by spending precious moments scanning Craig's List for the perfect cheap used coffee table. Also, the perfect cheap used dining room table. And the perfect cheap used kneeling chair. These are suddenly all very urgent, VERY URGENT, and therefore must take precedence over my deadline.

However, I was not prepared for what greeted my unsuspecting eyeballs. Behold: Beautiful Set of Coffee Tables - $150. I don't know how long that link will work before it gets taken down by the authorities, but imagine, if you can, a set of miniature pink grand pianos. Are you still with me? Now balance a glass shelf of the same shape about five inches above the top on what look to be three oversized nails. Honestly, I can't tell if it's a table or a Musical Barbie display case. Listen, I'm sure the owner is a very nice person with many wonderful qualities, but good taste in coffee tables is not one of them. As far as I can see, it's barely even functional, never mind worth $150. Does the coffee go above or below the floating glass partition? What about my feet? What if my feet get wedged under the glass, and, when I try to shake them loose, Husband's coffee cup comes rattling over to the edge and spills all over my trapped legs? That sounds an awful lot like what you don't want in a coffee table: third-degree burns.

My quibble is with the word "beautiful." In no alternate universe can the word beautiful be used to describe this...table or whatever it is. Unusual, yes. Unique, for sure. But beautiful? Absolutely not! Anyone with eyes can see that. The same flagrant misuse of perfectly good adjectives is happening all over Craig's List.  Elegant. Gorgeous!! STUNNING!!! As a rule, the more caps and exclamation points, the more hideous it is. At least "stunning" has a whiff of truth to it. Yes, you will be stunned (but not in a good way).

I know beggars can't be choosers when scavenging through other people's cast-offs, but how am I supposed to find the perfect cheap used coffee table/dining room table/kneeling chair when everyone has such bad taste??

Comments

[Deb]

What are you looking for in a coffee table? Yes, I'm still trying to make up for the sad lack of persimmons in my neck of the woods! Seriously, I have a square This End Up table that's been sent to the basement and I was just wondering . . .

[Susanna Baird]

Less piano, more pinto. And yes, WTF with that space in between?

[ellen]

*snort* thanx for the hump day chuckle!! WHAT are people thinking?? ;o)

[SarahC]

Certainly unique!

[Lesli M]

One could assume that magazines and books could go below the glass and avoid being soaked by sweating glasses. And really, who puts their feet on a table? Ew.