Biggish Night

So, in a hilarious plot twist, Husband got laid off last week. At least I think it’s supposed to be funny. I keep fake-laughing and looking all around in the hopes that we’ve been punk’d by Ashton Kutcher and he’ll suddenly appear saying it was all a big practical joke so that I can punch him in the face. I’ll have to whip off my wig before the fists start flying to get the full G.I. Jane effect, especially if the cameras are still rolling. I think Ashton would appreciate the irony.

Husband doesn’t appear to be upset about this turn of events and, in fact, has a spring in his step and a song in his voice where previously there was neither. Meanwhile, I seem to be emitting a barely perceptible, high-frequency sound emanating from somewhere within my cranium which is causing all of the dogs in a five-mile radius to howl. It’s not that the layoffs were wholly unexpected. The two surprise unpaid furloughs this summer were as clear a sign as any. It’s just that, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but it’s hard to find a job these days.

I was joking with Husband that we should empty out my piddly IRAs and throw a giant party with the works like what they did in Big Night, one of my top five favorite movies. Have you seen it? You must see it. It’s joyful. In fact, that’s your homework: to watch it if you haven’t already. You can borrow my copy, but you MUST send it back.

A big, delicious food bender with friends and large quantities of spirits sounded good to me, but Husband said he didn’t want to make a big deal about it. Sigh. As a compromise, I blew a cool fifty on wine, bread, cheese, pate, and olives at a local cheese shop and we had that instead. The wine was a Spanish tempranillo called Ultimatum. Perfect! I forgot the cornichons, though. Husband didn’t miss them. I believe his exact words were, “What the fuck’s a cornichon?”

Anyway, the moral of this story is: a) somebody please hire Husband; and b) as far as my job search is concerned, if anybody calls you for a reference, regardless of whether I’m actually qualified for the job at stake, you are to say that, no, I don’t write a blog, you don’t know what they’re talking about; that, yes, I’m healthy as an ox and will not put any sort of strain on their company’s health insurance premiums, no siree; that, yes, I get along well with others, and, in fact, contrary to what they may have heard, I have a very, very sparkling personality. Okay? Practice this ahead of time if you can’t say it with a straight face.

Comments

[Karen]

"...And she has never to my knowledge had any kind of weird reaction to mushrooms."

[Amy]

How you manage to maintain a sense of humor no matter what life throws at you is beyond me. Have you considered writing for one of those late night shows?

[Amy]

No, no, no, no! Another one bites the dust.

Paul got so frustrated and tired from looking and being ignored, he created his own job. Not that it's paid off yet or anything, but he has his charming wife (ahem) to tell him how wonderful he is. Anytime of the day. I'm just right next door.

Oh, it's scary out there.

[giovanna]

Tammy
I am in awe of your strength! I know a lot of people that would have crumbled at the year you have had. Yet you still manage to keep that wonderful sense of humor. As my mom would say God love you!

Keep your chin up sweetie. I'm a big believer of the when one window closes another one opens saying (I hope that's it!) At any rate please feel free to cry on my shoulder.
oxoxox Giovanna

[geek+nerd]

Ack! Sorry to hear about the layoff. Keep your chins up pups!

[jo]

You certainly have paid you 2009 penance, I'd say karma owes you a big f*in happy, healthy and prosperous 2010.

[danish]

My husband was also laid off on Friday. We knew it would happen sooner or later. Funny, he seems to have some pep in his step too. I am trying to look at the bright side, maybe he can work on the some of the projects around the house he's been putting off.

I feel like something really great is right around the corner for you guys. Its gotta be.

[Barry Foy]

Gosh--some people have all the luck! What would a person have to do to get a delightful, hilarious, madcap life like yours? If you ever want to trade places...

And by the way, Husband:

"CORNICHON: The dyspeptic runt of the pickle world. Cornichons are pimply, anemic, laughably puny cucumbers that undergo a painstaking process of marination aimed at replacing any discernible flavor with a monochromatic sourness. They are considered a flattering accompaniment to pâté, as well as various meats and fish. In fact, it's fair to say that after a bite of cornichon, nearly anything would taste delicious, even gnocchi made of lint." (The Devil's Food Dictionary)

[Kalyn]

I think it's time for some really good things to happen to you! I vote for a book contract or a job writing for your favorite TV show. (Hang in there! So many people getting laid off.)

[Mellisa W.]

I will also note that you don't run with scissors. Good luck!

[Husband]

I recommend the very funny documentary-style "Fired!" by the funny lady Annabelle Gurwitch. Anyone who has recently been let go will get more than a few laughs out of it. I sure did.

http://www.firedthemovie.com/

[Karen @ Mignardise]

What blog?

[Tammy]

Karen@Mignardise: Exactly.

Husband: Glad it cheered you up. What I saw of it was pretty funny.

Mellisa: Well, I sometimes do run with scissors, but only when it's a very serious scissor-related emergency. So, yeah, stick with your original story. Thanks!

Kalyn: I will take either one of those things. Thank you!

Barry: Mmmmm, lint gnocchi. And aren't you glad you live on the complete opposite side of the country from me!

danish: I'm so sorry to hear that. Stupid economy. But, you're right, good for getting projects done around the house. There never seems to be any shortage of those.

jo: I hope you're right. What scares me is that there's still a whole month and a half left of 2009. Help!

geek+nerd: Thanks so much. We'll get by.

giovanna: Thank you. I'm comforted by the fact that statistically speaking, a streak of bad luck has to change eventually!

Amy (Very Culinary): Good for Paul! I hope it works out. We'll consider this a test of our resourcefulness.

Amy (Cooking with Amy): I hear those are hard to get. But if you know someone!

Karen (Verbatim): Haha. Yes, we'd better leave the mushrooms out of it!

[Saroja]

Hi there... I first stumbled upon your blog a few months ago while searching the internet for good recipes. You see, I'm a starving medical student from Canada, so anyone who can make food and cooking sound like fun instantly rockets to the top of my favourite-person-I've-never-met-but-writes-an-awesome-blog list.

While I was very concerned to learn about your battle with cancer, I was absolutely touched and grateful to hear about your strength and humor. It helped me immensely to think of your perspective as I worked through my surgical oncology rotation... and, to be honest, it helped some of my patients, too, as I would often refer them to your blog to read.

Aside from being perpetually starving (for both food and sleep), we medical students have some personal problems of our own, too. In the last year, my father has been laid of from his job of 30+ years, my grandmother has been diagnosed with cancer, and my aunt has died from it. This is all to say that not only do I find your stories useful for the 'patient perspective' but also inspirational in my own private life as well.

Thus, I'd really like to thank you so very much for your honesty, clarity, and humor... not to mention all the food. :D

[Catherine]

Ouch. Been there (or near to there). I give your husband large amounts of credit for dealing with it so well. I was laid off when 7 months pregnant. And I'm primary breadwinner, so I was sorta counting on that semi-paid maternity leave. Ever interview for a job while hugely pregnant? Don't bother.

BUT! I survived and got a new job (post-partum), and now I'm not afraid of layoffs any more.

Also, send me his resume if he's in software.

[Lina Kirkwood]

Sorry to hear the news, but I'm glad to see that a door has opened for all sorts of potential opportunities and projects.

My father's job loss more recently turned out to be the best thing that ever happened. He completely re-tracked the type of work he was doing, and now he's happier than he's been in years. I hope that Husband (or you) can find something as wonderful for you both!

[Judy]

Yikes! But it will all work out (and I'm a big pessimist, really). I was laid off and out of work for 9 months recently but the new job (started in August) really rocks and I never thought I could find something this good! And in retrospect, despite the stress and accumulation of debt, it was the best year I ever had: time with the kids, started a blog - it will all turn out better for you (soon) - good luck!