Back when I bought my wigs, the nice lady who was helping me explained how to care for them, including a laundry list of things I shouldn’t do while wearing said wigs, like blow-drying (no worries, why start now?), glass-blowing, blacksmithing, and cooking. The way she said the last one reminded me of when I was pregnant and my doctor instructed me to avoid marathon-training, heroin, the clap, and all soft cheeses, to which I replied, “Let’s not be ridiculous.”
Now, as then, we needed a little question and answer period:
Me: Okay, so how close can I get to the flames before the wig actually ignites?
Her: Just don’t put your head in the oven.
Me: So this is more of just a common sense warning.
Her: Exactly.
Me: And the soft cheeses?
Her: Totally fine.
I think what she actually meant to say was don’t get your plastic hair anywhere near boiling hot steam at any cost unless you want your previously natural-looking bangs to look like some teased and hair-sprayed nightmare circa 1986.
Oh, well. They say the eighties are coming back, right? God help us all.
It is always so exciting to see an update from you, because I know it'll crack me up. I wish I were your neighbor so I could send you food.
Posted by: Jeena | September 16, 2009 at 07:44 PM
If someone told me I had to give up cheese, I'd probably start twitching. Or break out into an evil laugh. But I'm also the one that continues to eat kiwi, even though it gives me hives.
Posted by: Amy | September 16, 2009 at 09:21 PM
I just wanted to tell you that I have been following your blog for a long time but never left a comment. A good friend of ours got diagnosed last month with stage 4 breast cancer and I forwarded your blog link to her. She just emailed saying that it had lifter her spirits tremendously. I just wanted to pass it along.
Take care.
Helen
Posted by: Tartelette - Helen | September 16, 2009 at 10:14 PM
So baked brie should be safe. Are you cleared for creme brulee? How about flambe?
I've got to tell you, your pickle posts infected me. I can't escape Russo's without four cucumbers because, you know, PICKLES. Only they mysteriously disappear when they're marinating in salt with the onions overnight.
Posted by: Janet | September 16, 2009 at 10:42 PM
Hmm. I feel like there must be a niche market in this - I mean, there are balding chefs who probably would be glad to have toupees that can withstand the heat of the kitchen, right?
Posted by: adele | September 17, 2009 at 09:56 AM
Asbestos hairpieces for chefs could be the next big thing!
Posted by: Husband | September 17, 2009 at 10:47 AM
Somehow I missed the original wig post, which was vastly entertaining. I just read an article in More magazine about a woman who runs a wig company that comes to you to fittings etc at home rather than have you go out in public to do the equivalent of trying on 100 bathing suits in public when you are probably in a very emotionally challenging place. At the moment I am blanking on the name of the company though.
Posted by: MidLifeMama | September 17, 2009 at 11:40 AM
I suggest just wearing a chef's hat when cooking.
Posted by: Karen @ Mignardise | September 17, 2009 at 02:36 PM
I suggest cooking naked. Unless there's bacon involved.
Posted by: Jess | September 18, 2009 at 12:34 PM
Jess: There's always bacon involved!
Karen: I'm going to need something with a little more coverage, I think, like a shower cap.
MidLifeMama: What a great business idea. I bet it will do very well. The wig shop at Dana-Farber (where I went) has a private room so I was spared an audience.
Husband: That could never backfire.
adele: That's right. No self-respecting chef wants to emerge from the kitchen looking like Debbie Gibson.
Janet: So glad about the pickles. Hope you're enjoying them.
Tartelette - Helen: I'm sorry to hear about your friend's diagnosis, but I'm glad she stopped by. Whatever we can do to help each other, right?
Amy: I'm not too good with the food restrictions, either!
Jeena: Thank you! So nice of you to say.
Posted by: Tammy | September 23, 2009 at 02:48 PM