Recently, Husband came home from the store with this:
My first thought, in my chemo-weakened state, was that he was breaking up with me. That maybe this was a Dear John letter in cereal form, fortified with extra vitamins and minerals to help me cope with the news. Things have been getting a little too weird around here and maybe we should just be friends. “Good” friends. But only friends.
Then I looked more closely at the box.
Just look at her face. They’re clearly not just friends. Not even “good” friends. They’re most definitely friendly enough to be enjoying breakfast together the next morning, and most likely breakfast in the vicinity of an event that nearly BLEW THEIR MINDS. It wasn’t the cereal that blew their minds. That I can tell you with certainty.
But what sort of event would that be? Perhaps the insanely happy expression on their faces has something to do with second chances and unexpectedly finding new love in later life. (I’m guessing that they’re newly entangled because couples who’ve been married for 40 years do not wear that particular expression on their faces except for very special occasions. And breakfast is not one of them.) So it could be the love thing, but it’s not. Could it be the residual glow of unspeakable carnal pleasures that took place between two people who bring a combined 80 years of experience (at least) to the table (or wherever)? Tempting to assume, but, again, you would be wrong. It’s something much, much more than that. Something that can only be had after waiting a really, really long time for something really, really big. And I think you know what I’m talking about.
Dumps.
Maybe simultaneous dumps.
That is the only explanation for the look on their faces.
“Good Friends” promises 50% fiber and my guess, based on the picture alone, is that it delivers. I really hope so. I’m still waiting. Many important friendships depend on it.
Couples that dump together, stay together.
Here's to many happy dumps to come. Cheers!
Posted by: Husband | August 23, 2009 at 09:56 PM
Husband: Charming!
Posted by: Tammy | August 23, 2009 at 10:05 PM
Fiber One makes an awesome granola bar if you're feeling like eating something that tastes like chocolate chip oatmeal cookie dough. Or dried apricots. I used them to combat "shyness" while traveling abroad in strangers' homes for a month.
Hope you get to jettison the bad vibes soon!
Posted by: Sheri | August 23, 2009 at 10:24 PM
I knew there was something suspect about the twinkle in their eyes.
Good luck! Glad to see your sense of humor is still well.
Posted by: Julia | August 24, 2009 at 07:12 AM
Remember the double entendre slogan "It keeps you going all day long" from Grape-Nuts years ago? Add some whole prunes, and you won't know what hit you.
Posted by: Amy | August 24, 2009 at 07:14 AM
Just to show you how juvenile I really am --
http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/206200/the-hottest-cereal-around-town.jhtml#id=1580197
Just watch the first 5 minutes or so for a good laugh. It's a whole other take on that cereal. If kashi only knew how much that cover makes people think :)
great seeing you sunday!
Posted by: sarah | August 24, 2009 at 08:51 AM
I love you.
Posted by: Brian | August 24, 2009 at 09:15 AM
Two things: First, turn the box around, and you'll see that his hand is on her ass. Second, I believe what Husband meant was, "Couples that dump together, hump together."
No, really, anything I can do to help.
Posted by: Barry Foy | August 24, 2009 at 09:38 AM
Too funny Tammy.
So glad your sense of humor isn't stopped up too.
Try adding a tablespoonful of ground flax seed - works wonders.
Posted by: Karen @ Mignardise | August 24, 2009 at 09:49 AM
This is also appropriate here:
http://video.yahoo.com/watch/23920/1229171
Enjoy!
Posted by: Husband | August 24, 2009 at 10:53 AM
oh my goodness.....ahhh....that's all I can say! Bewteen the post and the husband's video! man oh man!
Posted by: Cindy | August 24, 2009 at 01:19 PM
On the continuing theme of medicines to deal with the side effects of the medicines that you take to deal with the side effects of chemo, you might try Colace, which is a stool softener. (My apologies to all of those who thought that this blog was about food.) Good luck.
Posted by: MJ | August 24, 2009 at 01:22 PM
I will never eat Kashi again. Thanks guys.
Posted by: Kasumi | August 24, 2009 at 08:59 PM
The friendly man has really nice teeth.
Posted by: Mary | August 25, 2009 at 01:26 PM
Every time I walk through the healthy cereals section, there they are. The woman is not smiling. Look closer. She doesn't even know the guy is there. She has so much fiber in her system she can't see straight. She's loopy mad with fiber!
Hope it works.
Posted by: Susanna | August 25, 2009 at 10:46 PM
Everyone: You guys really are a very loyal group of people!
Posted by: Tammy | August 26, 2009 at 09:12 PM
http://www.hulu.com/watch/10304/saturday-night-live-colon-blow
Nothing like a good bowl of Colon Blow!
Hugs from Atlanta!
Posted by: Lorrie@ReadNEat | August 30, 2009 at 11:04 PM
I stumbled across this website entirely accidentally. I'm glad I found this. It truly made my day.
Posted by: Tia Machon | September 16, 2009 at 04:51 PM