One of the side effects of chemo that I wasn’t prepared for (or maybe it’s the anti-nausea meds) is the firestorm in my brain at night. I wake up at 2 in the morning, my mind racing, and I can’t get back to sleep for all the static cluttering up my brain. Me, who can sleep anywhere, anytime. I don’t have much experience with mind-altering drugs, but it seems a lot like speed. Or perhaps a mild panic attack. I’ll just be lying there trying to relax and within moments I’ve levitated three inches off the bed, making a whirring sound like a crazed but paralyzed moth.
Husband: (half-asleep) Go take an Ativan. That’s what they’re for.
Me: No. Everything’s fine.
Me: (Toss. Turn. Reposition.)
Me: Shhhhh. Quiet. I’m trying to sleep.
Brain: I’m going to get you.
Me: Pipe down.
Brain: I’m going to geeeeeeeettttt yoooouuuuuuu….
Me: In that ridiculous getup?
Brain: BOOM!! CRASH. SLAMMMMMM. SSSSSSSSS…
Me: My, what sharp, needle-y feelers you suddenly have.
Me: You don’t scare me with your thousands of eyes and hairy mouthparts...
Brain: (weird licking sounds)….SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCH…
Ixnay on the oxicitytay