A Long Overdue Conversation With My Dad

Even before a certain newspaper said certain things about the language on a certain blog, my dad has been chastising me for my “risqué” word choice and wayward subject matter.  Last Sunday was no different, except for the menu, which was (I’m almost ashamed to admit) bacon, cinnamon buns, hash browns, and mimosas.  It was the Lord’s day, after all.  (Apparently, the Lord doesn’t like vulgarity or vegetables.)

Me: So let me get this straight.  You’re trying to censor me?  On my own blog?

Him: I’m just saying you might want to tone it down a little.

Me: I am toning it down a little. 

Him: No, the bad language has definitely gone up over time.  If I were to go back to your earlier posts…

Me: Please don’t.

Him: …and chart a graph of profanity…

Me: A graph of profanity?

Him: …yes, a graph of profanity, I think you’d see that it has steadily gone up over the years.

Husband: It has.

Me: (to Husband) Oh, like you should talk.  (to Dad) So what?  It’s not like I’m using the f word in front of the kids.  We’re all adults on my blog.  With the possible exception of me.  I think I’m rather elegant in its usage?

Him: Elegant?

Me: Or something.

Him: Right.

Me: Maybe I like to swear.

Him: Apparently.

Me: Or maybe I’m rebelling.  You know, you did get off easy when I was a teenager.

Him: Rebelling?  What could you possibly have to rebel against?  You have the perfect father.  Modest, too.  The best kids.  The best…

Husband: …husband.

Him: …fine, the best husband.  See?  What’s to rebel against?  Everything’s coming up roses. 

Hmmmm.  That’s a toughie.  I wonder what in the fuck I could possibly be rebelling against? 

Comments

[ilva]

Men! fathers expect you to that devoted 5 year old you once were for the rest of your life and husbands... better leave that chapter. I think you have a perfectly elegant language, I even let my teenagers practice their English on your blog! (well I would if they did what I told them to do)

[Sally]

Hee! I should talk. I have a potty mouth that makes sailors blush. My dad always told me to "quit yer goddamn cussing" and (like you) I always listened to my dad.

Dad - people read Tammy because she is refreshingly open, honest and (frankly) funny as hell. If we were offended by her language, we wouldn't come back. It's OK; we don't mind an occasional "fuck" thrown in at the appropriate time. And Tammy's comedic timing is perfect! :)

[Jess]

In the words of Mr. Spock: "Are you sure this isn't the time for a colorful metaphor?"

Cursing is, to me, relatively harmless unless it's aimed at someone with the purpose of degrading them. It's far more dangerous to tell someone they're stupid and worthless than to just call them a dumbass.

[Barry Foy]

Clearly, you are rebelling against the glaring lack of profanity, vulgarity, and bad taste on the Internet. Thank God for FOOD ON THE FOOD, I say--otherwise it would be all giggling babies and fluffy kittens, 24 hours a day. By the way, I found this really hot Teletubbies webcam site...

[Katie]

I sympathize...I get the same conversation, except it comes from my mom, not my dad. She also says I rant too much...that's news? But my readers claim I (like you) use vulgarity brilliantly so I pick and choose whose opinions I value more. I mean, geez, it's just another fucking word.

[Ed Harrison]

I've often thought I need to start a secret second blog on which I could curse with impunity.

[Melissa]

Yes, what the fuck?

If you want vulgar, go visit Michelle at Thursday Night Smackdown. And though she is most known for it, it's not like she's the only one.

Offline, I cuss a LOT. And I do type how I talk, but I hold back on it with most food bloggers until I get to know them much better.

Really Tammy, you're tame!

[Jenni]

Graph of Profanity! Ha! That might be my new Favorite Thing Ever :D

[Tammy]

Jenni: He'll do it, too. He's very scientific.

Melissa: I also think I'm tame, but I'm also very aware that my whole family reads my blog (or at least they pretend to). I don't want to give anyone a heart attack. Still, I don't get to swear as much as I like anymore because of the goddamned kids. What else can I do?

Ed: You're well on your way, I see. Good for you.

Katie: You can either say it, or sk*rt the issue. If the sentiment is already there, though, it's as good as said. Might as well own it.

Barry: That's right. You nailed it. Why oh why is the Internet so unbearably tasteful. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Jess: I agree. Like if somebody calls you an asshat, can you really take them seriously? No. (BTW, I always enjoyed Spock's charmingly rational high roads, but he didn't have any pesky emotions to wrestle with.)

Sally: You're much too kind. Your dad sounds pretty awesome, leading by example like that. Someday, my dad is going to unexpectedly drop the f bomb, and when he does, you better believe everybody's going to shut the fuck up and listen. That's the benefit of NOT cursing.

Ilva: Oh no! You let your teenagers practice their English on my blog?! Oh well, the swears are the first thing anyone learns in a foreign language anyway.

[Kalyn]

You're funny, and I think maybe you got it partly from your dad. And I think (if I remember this right) your dad is actually about my age. Now I'm the one who should be swearing, right? But I promise if we ever get to meet I will not assume the motherly role and start lecturing you about swearing.

[Dad]

Okay, this isn't going the way its supposed to folks! You see, you're all supposed to agree with me and not Tammy. Then, Tammy gets all chastised and repentant and cleans up her act. And then bakes me a key lime pie and some baklava. Got it now? Good, let's start over.....

[Sally]

LMAOOO @ Dad. Jesus! You slay me. Now Tammy - QUIT YER GODDAMN CUSSING and bake that man a pie. Fer Christ's sake.

[Holly]

Hey, wait a minute. Go back to that menu. Potatoes (aka hash browns) ARE a vegetable, and mimosas are the essence of fruit, yes?If I were God, I'd be thinking that's a damn fine meal for my day.