Doritos are delicious. Okay, that part I already knew. But did you know that Doritos now come in additional flavors besides Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch? Like hot wings and blue cheese? AND. And now they have these multi-compartment bags that have, get this, as many as two flavors inside? See, this is why the Super Bowl is important to me. I get to update my snacking knowledge.
Maybe you already knew this. I’m sorry if I live in a hole, but I can’t have that shit in the house otherwise I’ll ignore all daily activities to devote myself full-time to emptying any brightly colored bags of their contents. I won’t even walk down that aisle at the grocery store. What’s that you say? How is a bag of chips any different than butter, lard, and all the other fattening farm products I buy? To you I say, SHUT UP! Stop trying to confuse me with your petty logic.
The difference is that I can’t work Doritos into a coherent meal the same way I can with butter and pork. If I could make a savory tart crust out of Doritos, I totally would (writing note to myself as we speak). Or Dorito-crusted “local” mahi-mahi (sounds good and not bad). Maybe sprinkle them over a salad? Or over my face? It hardly matters.
So who won the Super Bowl? I hope it was the Cardinals. I love a team that can play two sports.