We put up our tree this weekend. In between the ornament-smashing sponsored by the 3YO, I had to try to dodge some unexpectedly difficult questions from the Kindergartener.
Him: Mommy, how was Santa born?
Me: Hmmmm. Well, he probably had a Mommy and Daddy just like you. Maybe his Daddy was a Santa, too, and he came from a long line of Santas.
Him: (pauses for reflection) But I thought there was only one Santa.
Me: That’s true. There is only one Santa. Right. But maybe when that Santa gets too old and dies, his son gets to be the next Santa.
(Horrified look from Husband. I shrug.)
Husband: Do you even think about what you’re going to say before the words fly out of your mouth?
Me: We both know the answer to that question.
Meanwhile, the Kindergartener has turned his attention to a wooden Nutcracker doll.
Him: Mommy, what’s this thing on the Nutcracker?
Me: (to Husband) Would you like to be in charge of the nut-related questions?
Husband: It's a sack for carrying the arrows for the Nutcracker’s bow and arrow.
Me: You know, Son, the ones he uses to shoot down Santa!
Someday I won’t ruin Christmas.
Hmm. Probably better to be disillusioned by one's parents than the evil kid at school who can't wait to tell other kids that Santa isn't real...
(Me? Evil? Never!)
Posted by: adele | December 15, 2008 at 10:52 PM
Brutally honest, but there's something awesome about not glossing over things with the usual superstitious lies and omission. It's not like the kids live in a world without Santa, it's just that Santa has a semi-realistic line of succession.
Posted by: melch | December 15, 2008 at 11:11 PM
Maybe the part about shooting Santa was a little over the top. On the other hand, your Peruvian stew recipe was a good one. Even my resident squash-hater tolerated it. I thought of you when I read Monica Reinegel's comment that you could practially live on squash all winter (http://blog.nutritiondata.com/ndblog/2008/12/whats-in-season.html). Maybe not you personally.
But thanks for the squash recipe. I will fold, spindle, mutilate, and put it in my regular recipe rotation.
Posted by: Family Nutritionist | December 16, 2008 at 08:49 AM
Family Nutritionist: I only said that last part in my mind. After all, I defended Santa's honor practically into junior high and wouldn't mind if my kids did, too (if only I knew how to achieve this). Glad you liked the squash stew. I'm happy people are making it.
melch: I know there was some guy who was immaculately conceived, but I swear I didn't think it was Santa.
adele: I'm a failure as a parent. In other news, the Tooth Fairy failed to deliver last night, most likely due to the aforementioned Nutcracker flak. (In my defense, the Kindergartener pulled out his own tooth in the middle of the night and stuck it under his pillow without fanfare. Needless to say, the Tooth Fairy did not get the memo.)
Posted by: Tammy | December 16, 2008 at 09:10 AM
Hahahaha! Good one! Q (who is now 9) is beginning to suspect that there is no Santa Claus. Darn it. What fun is Christmas without a visit from a jolly old elf sneaking into your house, while you're asleep.
Posted by: Sally | December 16, 2008 at 09:10 AM
Hmm. Try telling the Kindergartener that the Tooth Fairy stops checking for teeth after midnight. He should give notice before the end of business hours for optimal results.
Posted by: adele | December 16, 2008 at 12:24 PM
I liked the part of the story where Santa died.
Posted by: Husband | December 16, 2008 at 01:40 PM
Don't worry about it. All parents lie about Santa. Not quite like you, though.
Posted by: cookiecrumb | December 16, 2008 at 04:32 PM
You are funny. Thanks for a big laugh. Good job I wasnt drinking anything.
Posted by: jennywenny | December 16, 2008 at 07:21 PM
Mine, at 10 years old, has come to grips with the fact that there is no Tooth Fairy and no Easter Bunny. Santa is holding on for dear life, but there are only so many times you can be asked, "Mom, is Santa really REAL?" and reply, "Well, I BELIEVE he is." I'm already getting incredulous looks.
Posted by: Katie | December 17, 2008 at 10:50 AM
Me, I like the idea of the Nutcracker being hired out as a hitman. After all, someone's got to take care of the biz when Son Santa is ready to stage a coup.
As for telling kids outrageous and funny lies: I'm all in favor of it. I tried to convince my brother he was dropped off by aliens for, oh, the first 20 years of his life. It teaches them how to have a sense of humor and how not to be a chump.
Posted by: Eugenia | December 17, 2008 at 11:02 AM
I want the little racist to ask you about Gingerbread men again.
Posted by: Fish Sauce Hater | December 18, 2008 at 12:27 AM
Hater: Ah, but you forget who the racist was. Me.
Eugenia: The Nutcracker is so badass with his gang colors and scary facial hair.
Katie: A world without Santa is not a world I want to live in.
jennywenny: I need cue cards for these kinds of conversations. Or maybe just one cue card that says: The answer is magic. Magic never needs explaining.
CC: I hope I get better with practice.
Husband: Of course you do.
Adele: Yeah, that's pretty much what I told him. He was remarkably accepting.
Sally: So sad. Breaking and entering will never be so socially acceptable again.
Posted by: Tammy | December 18, 2008 at 02:33 PM