All I Really Need to Know I Learned From Spanish Movies

Did I mention that a certain someone starts school this week?  Free school.  FREE.  All day, five days a week. 

Yes, this is the time when the Preschooler becomes a kindergartener, the Toddler becomes a preschooler, and I curse myself for thinking up names for the kids that would change every goddamned year.  (To be fair, I thought I’d quit blogging after two weeks, but haven’t I caught on by now that nothing happens like you plan?)

I was thinking of just calling the Preschooler the Kindergartener, and the Toddler the Preschooler.  Creativity isn’t my strong suit, as you well know.  But that nomenclature is likely to be confusing.  Like, how did the Preschooler go from being a sweet and gentle boy to a noisy brute practically overnight?  (Public school, that’s how.  We must all lose our innocence someday.)  So, if anyone has a better idea, let’s hear it.

Anyway, given the new, freeing kindergarten schedule, you may be wondering how I plan to spend my time?  Rather than doing the work needed to sustain a freelance career, I think I’ll start by acting out scenes from Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown instead. 

Yes, that is a fantastic idea.  I’ll start with gazpacho.  Lots of gazpacho.  Then I’ll mope around as if I’m despondent about the recent turn of events.  Why does he have to go to kindergarten?  Why, why, WHY?  There will be much pacing and hand-wringing, not to mention checking voicemail every two minutes.  Oh, and throwing things just to be dramatic.  I really don’t do enough of that.  I don’t want to die having never thrown anything through a plate glass window in a fit of rage.  That would be a waste.

I just hope that after all of the lighting things on fire, high-speed scooter chases, gazpacho at gunpoint, and dancing half-naked in windows play out, Husband doesn’t make me go out and get a real job.

Gazpacho

This recipe is straight from Spain and is my absolute favorite.  You can thicken it up with bread soaked in water if you like.  Adding garlic is also fair game.  Sleeping pills are optional.

4 large tomatoes
1 cucumber
1 bell pepper (green is traditional, but I prefer red)
¼ medium onion
6 Tbsp. olive oil
2 Tbsp. red wine vinegar
1 tsp. salt
Black pepper
Cayenne pepper to taste

In a large pot of boiling water, dunk tomatoes for 20 seconds or so, then submerge in ice water until cool.  The skins should slip right off.  Core tomatoes, then cut in half across the equator and squeeze out the seeds.  Cut into quarters and place tomatoes in blender.

Peel cucumber and cut in half lengthwise.  Holding a spoon upside-down by the handle, dig a trough along the length of the cut side of the cucumber to remove the seeds.  Cut into pieces and put into blender, reserving one piece to chop for garnish.  Core and remove seeds from pepper.  Reserve one piece to chop for garnish and add the rest to the blender.  Add onion (chop some extra for garnish), olive oil, red wine vinegar, salt, pepper, and cayenne.  Purée until smooth.  Taste and adjust seasonings if necessary.  Refrigerate.  Serve chilled topped with chopped red pepper, cucumber, and onion.

Comments

[adele]

Ah-ha! Just the recipe I could use to test out my brand new food processor!

The gun is optional, right?

[Flood]

You know, when they sent me off to public school i came home singing, "we are all a lesbian!" It's true. We are. In a straight kind of way. I don't think it was an accident that we ended up in catholic school again the next year. It was in New Haven, too. Aren't your people from there?

[Heather]

I have never thrown anything through a plate glass window (yet!), but I have felt the exhilaration of throwing a plate of food at a wall, which broke the plate in a satisfying crash (the resultant mess was totally worth it).

You should get a new apron and work that into your hand-wringing. It's a nice image, I think.

[Sally]

You know, you could always homeschool them. That will protect you from the dreaded "job market".

[melissa]

Ah. A real job. Ew.

Transitioning to calling them the new names which were the old names sounds just fine to me. ;)

I want to make this just for myself. While watching that movie, which I always wanted to see but never did.

[Carina]

YES. OH MY GOD YES. That movie is brilliant.

Sorry. I found your blog (brilliant, has nearly made me piss my pants with laughter multiple times- maybe a few hundred?- and, um, did I mention I think you're hilarious? Not, like, me laughing AT you funny, but... there's my foot down my throat and a very long parenthetical comment...) and have been slowly working my way up to the present by reading the backlog like a creepy, creepy stalker sort of person. I'm sorry. I'm not really that creepy... I hope...

Anyway.

About the gazpacho? You forgot the morphine.