Potato Salad for the People

So, I hear that Chris Kimball, who presides over the Cook’s Illustrated/America’s Test Kitchen/Cook’s Country media empire, doesn’t like his recipes to be tampered with.  (Now, that’s a newsflash!  It’s like Nazi Germany in that test kitchen.)

The blogosphere is in a tizzy over the spanking Kimball’s PR rep gave Melissa at Alosha's Kitchen for posting an adaptation of a Cook’s Country potato salad recipe on her blog.  Which she had courteously credited.  You can get the short version of the story here, or the longer version here. 

I don’t want to take sides, but this is what I’ve gleaned from my blessedly brief foray into copyright law as it seems to be interpreted by our favorite bow-tied cook/publisher:

CI/ATK/CC Fair Use Policy

You can cook our recipes, but only if you’re going to do it right.  You can discuss the recipes, but not on the Internet.  Unless you have permission, which we probably won’t give you.  No modifications or improvisations of any kind are allowed.  We didn’t do all that work for nothing.  (Get your hand away from the spice cabinet—that’s not what the recipe says!)  Also, we did not approve the use of flash photography.  You may, however, draw a picture of your meal, as long as you’re one of our certified artists.  But not if you stink at drawing.  As for the finished dish, let us taste it first and then maybe you can eat it.  Maybe.

That seems like an awful lot of trouble for some potatoes in a little mayonnaise, but I guess running a perfection-based business is no small feat.  Which brings me to my reason for posting.  It must really suck when somebody beats you to perfection.  Especially someone of my questionable talent.  But I seem to have stumbled onto a potato salad that people just will not stop eating.  God, why won’t they stop?  Save some for me.

Really, it couldn’t be any simpler.  My dumb cat can make it.  It was tested maybe three times, without measuring spoons, by a panel of one (1.5, if you count Mr. Nathan).  Still, I’d be willing to submit it to the Cook’s Illustrated taste testers for critique.  They’re uncanny.  If you spit into one of their pies, they can totally tell which one.

Potato Salad for the People

Oh, come on, lighten up.  It’s potato salad, for crying out loud.

12 medium red-skinned potatoes from your farmer, scrubbed (maybe 2 lbs.?)
1 small red onion, large dice
2 Tbsp. chopped fresh dill
1 Tbsp. Dijon mustard (or more; sometimes I use prepared horseradish)
1 cup or so of mayo (sometimes I sub in lowfat yogurt for part of this)
1 tsp. salt (heaping is best)
Lotsa black pepper (yes, lotsa is a standard unit of measurement in my kitchen)

Boil potatoes in their jackets in a pot of salted water, 20-25 minutes until easily pierced with knife but before they explode.  Drain and let cool.  Do not peel.

Take about half of the potatoes and mash them in a large bowl or pot.  Yes, mash them good, as if you’re Chris Kimball and the potatoes represent the very soul of cooking.  With the remaining potatoes, mash them ever so gently so that you end up with large chunks of potato that break along their own natural fault lines.  Add the onion, dill, mustard, and half of the mayo, and start mixing.  Add more mayo until you get the consistency that you, the people, are looking for.  I like it thick, so you can scoop it with an ice cream scoop and put it on a cone if you feel like it.  Just kidding, Chris Kimball (blowing kisses).  I’m never going to work in this town again, am I?  Add salt and pepper to taste.  Chill for several hours.  Share it with your friends.

(Don’t try to steal this, Chris Kimball.  It’s copyrighted.)

(I’m serious, I have my eye on you.)

Comments

[Vicki]

Absolutely freakin' hilarious. I wish I had written it. You're awesome. Chris Kimball isn't.

[Mary]

Wonderfull how you can get your point across. Pooh on Chris Kimball.

But wouldn't the perfect potato salad include bacon?

[cookiecrumb]

I love that mashing action! Gonna give it a try.
(Cook's Illustrated? I am just NOT that rectal-linear.)

[NurseJen (speaking for Chris Kimball)]

That's not funny. Nor is it legal. As I type, a team of highly trained professionals are on their way to seize your potatoes. And your mustard. Mustard serves no purpose in potato salad. It's heresy. Thus I have spoken, and thus it is so.

(just kidding. I have no idea who Chris Kimball is, nor do I care. I've never been faithful to a recipe in my life. I'm a recipe 'ho...)

Mmmm... bacon mints would make a nice garnish for this!

[Heather]

If I change even one or two things, I take ownership of a recipe. /shrug

Potato salad. Potato salad, what can't you do?

[melissa]

Oh Tammy. Hahahaha. You made me laugh far more than anyone about this whole thing, except perhaps myself.

It just seems so ridiculous when you think it... what the recipe was, I mean... POTATO SALAD. Lordy. Yeah.

I already personally told you how I felt about it and I do appreciate you writing/linking and I also appreciate your perspective. I really do.

Thanks ever so much~

[Barry Foy]

This is to inform you that I have owned the copyright on "lotsa" since 2004. You'll be hearing from my attorney.

[Dad]

I really liked this! A LOT!!

[Kalyn]

As soon as I saw the fresh dill I knew *this one* was the perfect recipe for potato salad. Now, how to break the news to the folks at Cook's Illustrated? (Very funny, and thanks for linking to my BlogHer piece!)

[Jess]

D'Oh! So that's why agents in aprons and dark glasses showed up in my kitchen moments after I forwarded their tip on slicing rock hard ice cream.

(Typed from Guantanamo. Did you know you can use waterboarding equipment to wash salad greens?)

[Tammy]

Jess: Now you know. Don't mess with them. (That's weird because I don't remember ever seeing waterboarding equipment listed in their recipes. I'm just saying, keep your salad hijinks on the DL.)

Kalyn: Don't worry, I already sent them a singing telegram. Although the potato costume looks more like a rock than a potato. I hope they figure it out.

Dad: Ladies and gentlemen, see? Praise from the man who normally won't eat anything meatless.

Barry: Fine. You can have "lotsa." As long as I can have "ashitloada."

Melissa: So much for courtesy, huh? Well, I guess that's one less link we bloggers have to worry about posting.

Heather: I think that's fair. I like to credit who inspired the recipe if I can remember because it's a good way of sharing resources with other people. Sharing. That's so old-fashionedy.

NurseJen: A recipe is like a helpful outline, right? You can choose to follow it...or not. But I'm afraid Chris Kimball doesn't always know what I like. For I, too, am a recipe ho.

CC: Yeah, you strike me as more of a Cooks Gone Wild kind of woman.

Mary: Crap, you're right. Bacon. Well, in that case, I think the crown goes back to Chris Kimball for the German potato salad in The Best Recipe, which, I admit with a grudge, rocks pretty hard. Oh well. Easy come, easy go.

Vicki: Thanks. That's why I'm poor and Chris Kimball isn't!

[melch]

haha, Jess, that sounds so Martha Stewart! I wonder what uses she found for standard issue prison gear.

I love new potato salad recipes! And with Dad's endorsement... *heads to the kitchen to boil some potatoes*

[Michele]

I love this post. Love it. I made "mashed potato salad" one time by accident, when my kitchen staff (husband) chopped my potatoes into smaller cubes than I wanted. Even with watching them like a hawk, some of them still got very soft. End result was a mashed up potato salad that 6 adults could not eat fast enough. My version is really similar to yours but I also throw in a tablespoon of cider vinegar. I dont know why, but it works. Please dont sue me.

[sunny12]

what's really interesting is that if the person had not mentioned where she first found the potato salad recipe, none of this would have happened, because it is hardly a unique recipe.

So the moral of the story is to lie.

[Adele]

And that, in a nutshell, is why I prefer to work with recipes by other bloggers - or recipes by dead chefs.

[bitter]

This. Made. My. Day.

[andrea]

That job must have fit you like a glove. :)

I spent my entire Sunday morning reading through the original post, the 300+ comments, and the follow-up. As usual, I got side tracked and ended up here:
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

I will warn you, it is very addictive, but excellent for full on belly laughs complete with tears. You may be particularly interested in the July 3rd post. I have not (yet) sent in anything that might be considered incriminating. If you would like me to keep quiet, I'll only ask for half of your winter CSA share (and a introduction to Farmer). Think about it.

[Tammy]

Andrea: Ooooo, threats! You drive a hard pastry-related bargain. I'm willing to part with half of my winter share (the squash half), but there's no way I'm ever introducing you to the Farmer. You're way too cute!

bitter: Happy to help!

Adele: Less aggravation, huh. But how sad that we can't all get along? What's the harm in posting a recipe that is clearly an adaptation? Or publicizing a recipe that is clearly attributed? I don't get it.

Sunny12: That seems to be the unfortunate moral. I can understand Cook's wanting to protect their investment of resources and not wanting to dilute their stamp of approval, but cooks will cook. Nobody was trying to "get away with" anything. It should be an honor to see people riffing on your stuff.

Michele: I've just about had it with you people one-upping me. Cider vinegar? How dare you. (P.S. I'm stealing that.)

Melch: I better start working out. It's clear that sooner or later, all of us bloggers are going to end up in jail, and the only question mark is who's bitch I'm going to be.