So, we already know one reason why the Farmer and I would never survive a domestic arrangement, no matter how many romantic notions one of us might have. Here’s another one: possible, unconfirmed vegetarianism. Observe:
Him: What are you cooking?
Me: Oh, you’re home already? Don’t you have a few more fields to plow?
Him: Is that…bacon?
Me: No.
Him: It sure smells like bacon.
Me: It’s not bacon. It’s, um, a new sustainable bacon substitute.
Him: …
Me: Yeah, it’s made from the dried husks of…
Him: …Of what?
(He’s a farmer, Tammy. Choose your words carefully.)
Me: Of…
Him: …Yes?
Me: …Okay, fine, it’s bacon.
(As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not good in the moment.)
Him: I thought we talked about this. How eating low on the food chain is a better use of resources in an overpopulated world.
Me: Lalalalalalalalala…did you say something?
Him: (sigh) I’m still waiting for you to sign the papers. They’re right over there, same as before.
Me: I’ll sign them if you have this piece of bacon…
Him: (leaves the room)
Me: (yelling after him) Pay no attention to the ham substitutes hanging over the stairs…
And we lived happily ever after. The end.
I'd pay good money to see some Emerson students act out these conversations and post them on YouTube. Actually, I wouldn't pay money, but I would laugh. Hahahahahaaaaaa...
Posted by: Tammy | August 27, 2008 at 09:59 PM
After some fairly painful trial-and-error, I have decided that the one factor I am holding firm on in significant others is that they have to be omnivores. (Flexitarians count. Vegetarians don't. Vegans are out of the question.)
Posted by: Adele | August 28, 2008 at 12:58 PM
Adele: Yes, the trouble is that in those kinds of mixed marriages, somebody usually ends up going over to the other side eventually. And why should that somebody be me? (P.S. Agreed on vegans. While I have the utmost respect for them, the only thing I love more than my meat is my cheese.)
Posted by: Tammy | August 29, 2008 at 03:17 PM