- Life goes on without the Internet. Seems impossible, but it’s true. I swear I knew this prior to 2006, and yet, since then, the Internet has succeeded in luring me in with its promises of instant erections and weight loss that will finally render me invisible. I was about as excited at the prospect of spending a week without an Internet connection as I would be about a week without oxygen. There was a lot of hyperventilating and thrashing about, but once I got the hang of breathing without it, I did learn something. That the Internet is bad. Very bad. It is the enemy of balance and moderation and all that is reasonable in this world. It promotes excess and narcissism, self-indulgence and voyeurism, and as far as this freedom of speech thing is concerned, no good will ever come of it. No more Internet for me. (kisses keyboard with tongue: afgrugihdsdgnvasdiufhg)
- From now on, all of my showers will be taken in the great outdoors. How cold could winter be, anyway? There’s just something about the hot water and the cool breezes and the open skies above and, in a surprise twist this year, the lack of a door. I’m afraid I may have to give up showering altogether if I’m going to be limited to a tiny, airless room. I won't tell you how many outdoor showers I took over the course of one week, my green friends, but more than my share. Many more than my share.
- I discovered that one of my sons is not mine. At breakfast one morning, the younger one said something to the effect of: turn off the bacon, I can’t hear the birds singing. Wha?
- Drying your clothes on a clothesline isn’t always the best choice for the environment. Not when a midnight thunderstorm leaves your garments waterlogged, so you end up having to put them in the dryer in the morning anyway, but then you forget to take them out before you lock up at checkout time, and you only realize this after you’ve driven away. And you have to make two round trips over many miles, over several hours, wasting countless gallons of expensive gas, in the hopes of catching the cleaning crew so you don’t have to spend even more money paying Chinese children to sew you some new ones. Of course, you might not have this problem if you’re not a moron.
We’re not home yet, but en route. Which means those cats better not still be there when we get back. And do you know what I’m looking forward to most about returning home? All those cabinets I have to finish. Yaaaayyyyyy!!