Okay, fine. I’ll put down the sander and write something about Rachael Ray. Sheesh.
It’s been a long time coming, Ms. Congeniality, but you’ve finally been outed as the terrorist you are. God. I mean, all that smiling should have been the first clue. There’s absolutely nothing in this world worth smiling that much about unless you have murderous jihad on your mind. And her constant cooking? I hear terrorists love to cook things up. And when they set the timer for 30 minutes, they really mean exactly 30 minutes.
As for the scarf, I can’t really get too worked up about it. No matter what you call it, it’s just a goddamned scarf. To me, a scarf symbolizes a warm neck and little else. But ask anybody and they’ll tell you I’m not much for accessorizing. I do wear pants, however. Are the terrorists known to don the occasional trouser? And will I, therefore, no longer be allowed to wear pants? If so, thank Allah, because I’m sick of putting them on every time I have to leave the house.
Anyway, I’m willing to let the scarf go, but I still think Rachael Ray should be added to our Most Wanted list for her other crimes against humanity. Along with Michelle Malkin for trying to dictate a dress code for Americans. That’s often the first step in your garden-variety extremism.
As for you, Dunkin’ Donuts, you may have surrendered this battle the same way you gave up on the quality of your doughnuts, but your reign of terror continues.
Doesn't she just grate on your nerves sometimes? I don't have a problem with her recipes but I'd rather not listen to her chipper talk for 30 minutes! Sheesh!
Posted by: Heather | May 29, 2008 at 10:37 PM
She's the one that started the trend of calling extra virgin olive oil "evoo," isn't she?
Rachel Ray must go.
Posted by: Adele | May 29, 2008 at 11:13 PM
Retch-l Ray. Gah, I get all choky and stabby. Stabby!
IT TAKES LONGER TO SAY "E-V-O-O" THAN IT DOES TO SAY OLIVE OIL!!
Sorry, I *am* calm. I *AM* calm!!
Posted by: Heather | May 30, 2008 at 12:53 AM
It was actually a glen plaid and houndstooth patterned scarf. That would make sense if glen plaid and houndstooth were symbols of terrorism. I've been terrorised by the country club sect for years...
(and EVOO wouldn't be so bad if she didn't say "that's extra virgin olive oil" after every time she said it.)
Posted by: Mary | May 30, 2008 at 09:36 AM
Mary: Yeah, if you have to constantly explain an acronym, it's probably not worth your time to use it.
Heather: But the big picture is actually rather promising. One less Rachael Ray commercial is one less Rachael Ray commercial, after all. We should all chip in and hire her a crack team of Arab stylists.
Adele: Yes. And Yum-O was hers, too. Oh, the humanity.
Heather: I can do without her hyper-caffeinated chitchat, too, but she's still in the "winning hearts and minds" phase of the plot. Thank goodness we found her out when we did.
Posted by: Tammy | May 30, 2008 at 10:58 AM
I have a couple of those scarves, too.
Don't wear 'em, due to jelly-doughnut stains.
Posted by: cookiecrumb | May 30, 2008 at 02:40 PM
CC: I have a feeling you're already on Bush's Most Wanted list!
Posted by: Tammy | May 30, 2008 at 08:38 PM
This may not be a popular opinion here but I actually don't dislike Rachel Rey. I think she caters to a particular demographic (busy, beginner cooks) and I find her perkiness cute, though a bit over the top. I have one of her books and have found that her recipes don't really work, but other than that, I think foodies make way too big a deal about hating her. As for the ad, I find the whole thing TOTALLY ridiculous. Sweeping generalization and intolerance drive me crazy. Not everything Arab-related is jihadist. PLEASE!
Posted by: Sandicita | May 31, 2008 at 10:29 AM
This may not be a popular opinion here but I actually don't dislike Rachel Rey. I think she caters to a particular demographic (busy, beginner cooks) and I find her perkiness cute, though a bit over the top. I have one of her books and have found that her recipes don't really work, but other than that, I think foodies make way too big a deal about hating her. As for the ad, I find the whole thing TOTALLY ridiculous. Sweeping generalization and intolerance drive me crazy. Not everything Arab-related is jihadist. PLEASE!
Posted by: Sandicita | May 31, 2008 at 10:30 AM
But you've got to admit she had a great chicken violated wtih a beer can on the grill recipe.
Posted by: Alecto | June 02, 2008 at 04:52 PM
Why am I just finding this blog now!? YOURE MY HERO!! this post is friggin hilarious. but i got to be honest - i cant stand when people say ray-ray is for the busy beginner cook... WHAT!? her meals do NOT take 30 minutes - its a big lie! if people think they need rachael ray to teach them how to cook cause they are busy then there is no hope for my faith in the food network. its all a big marketing ploy and too many americans have bought into it.
Posted by: We Are Never Full | June 04, 2008 at 09:53 PM