Okay, fine. I’ll put down the sander and write something about Rachael Ray. Sheesh.
It’s been a long time coming, Ms. Congeniality, but you’ve finally been outed as the terrorist you are. God. I mean, all that smiling should have been the first clue. There’s absolutely nothing in this world worth smiling that much about unless you have murderous jihad on your mind. And her constant cooking? I hear terrorists love to cook things up. And when they set the timer for 30 minutes, they really mean exactly 30 minutes.
As for the scarf, I can’t really get too worked up about it. No matter what you call it, it’s just a goddamned scarf. To me, a scarf symbolizes a warm neck and little else. But ask anybody and they’ll tell you I’m not much for accessorizing. I do wear pants, however. Are the terrorists known to don the occasional trouser? And will I, therefore, no longer be allowed to wear pants? If so, thank Allah, because I’m sick of putting them on every time I have to leave the house.
Anyway, I’m willing to let the scarf go, but I still think Rachael Ray should be added to our Most Wanted list for her other crimes against humanity. Along with Michelle Malkin for trying to dictate a dress code for Americans. That’s often the first step in your garden-variety extremism.
As for you, Dunkin’ Donuts, you may have surrendered this battle the same way you gave up on the quality of your doughnuts, but your reign of terror continues.