When Honesty Isn’t the Best Policy

We’ve been letting the kids watch parts of the BBC’s Planet Earth series as a refreshing break from trains with creepy faceplates.  Despite the documentary being gorgeously shot, some of it is hard to watch, even for a cold-hearted person like myself. 

One example: the migrating gray whale and her calf who are being stalked by a large pack of killer whales (warning: spoiler).  The killer whales spend 3 HOURS chasing the pair, ramming them and trying to separate baby from mother, until the calf is so exhausted that the mother tries desperately to nudge the little one toward the surface and balance him on her back so he can take a breath. 

Since there are no happy endings in nature, I inevitably found myself screaming at the television, “I FUCKING HATE YOU, KILLER WHALES,” but only in my mind since I was trying to be brave for the children.  But, god, it really makes you question your fortitude as a mother.  Would I have fought so valiantly in the same situation?  Because I can barely swim a complete lap without getting winded, and that’s without killer whales chasing me.

So the Preschooler and I have been talking a lot about nature (or at least the two or three things I’ve observed from my perch in a suburban window).  My fall-back line has been, “Sometimes things like that happen in nature,” as if nature is something separate from ourselves, safely viewed from behind a screen. 

But, some things, you can tell, are starting to click:

Him: Tigers are predators, right?

Me: Yes.

Him: And killer whales are predators?

Me: Uh-huh. (stupid, goddamned killer whales)

Him: So, are we predators, too?

Me: Yes, that’s true.

Him: Because we eat meat?

Me: Yes.

Him: What animal does bacon come from? (Wait a minute.  He knows the answer to this question.  Where is he going with this?)

Me: Bacon comes from pigs.

Him: Where does ham come from?

Me: Also from pigs.

Him: Where does lamb come from?

(ALERT!  ALERT!  TRICK QUESTION.)

Me: Also from pigs.  No more questions.

Hypocrisy is a dish best served cold.

Comments

[Sally]

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! God - I love your wit. Can I adopt you? TFF

[CaroB]

The BBC's latest wildlife series started last night in the UK, it's about tigers - and in particular one tiger and her four cubs. After one hour of television (and the BBC doesn't have commercials here so that really was an hour), all five of them plus assorted leopards, honey bears, monkeys and a pangolin were fine (although a few deer bit the dust) but next Sunday I'm going to have tissues very close by as it can't last.

[Ann]

Man are you going to be in trouble when he figures it all out! You could have just said "sheep." :-)

[Mary]

I think I could swim remarkably far with a killer whale chasing me.
I think the saddest documentary I ever watched was about cheetahs and the mommy died and the three baby cheetahs were on their own. My husband came home to find his wife reduced to a sniffly mess by animal planet. Now I mostly just watch the dog shows.

[Tammy]

Mary: Dog shows are safe. I'm afraid to bring the kids to swim classes now lest the YMCA unleash the killer whales!

Ann: Actually, I did say sheep and he seemed satisfied with that answer. For the moment.

CaroB: You're braver than I to watch such a thing!

Sally: You can work out the adoption arrangements with my dad.

[Lily VS]

Back in the day, during my "why?... why?...why?" stage of life, my step-grandmother told me:

"Honey, if God didn't want us to eat meat he wouldn't have made them so tasty. They're so delicious, even other animals eat each other."

If she'd known the word back then, I am sure she would have ended that sentence with "duh".

It explained a lot about those nature shows actually.

[melissa]

the planet earth series is my favorite thing ever on television and I do know the segment that you speak of. but then to be asked:

"Him: Where does lamb come from?"

ummm. ouch. O_o

[Erin]

Hubby and I watched that killer whale episode with complete horror - I'm sure we were both trying not to cry. At the time, we were doing serious battle with an ex business partner, and we took the message to heart. "The big fish eat the little fish" is now our mantra in business affairs (or the rich fish eat the poor fish, the powerful fish eat the powerless fish, you fill in the adjectives). Your kids aren't old enough to have to learn those lessons yet.

[Cobblestone]

It was the elephants that wandered off in the wrong direction that got me. I haven't even finished to documentary yet {I've owned it for months} because I hate finding the story where nature takes a turn for the ... dead. Haven't seen the whale bit - will avoid!