It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten any Pseudo-Chef questions, probably because you’ve finally figured out that you’re all smarter than me. Ah, but there’s still one person out there in desperate need of my assistance:
Dear Pseudo-Chef:
What do you put in sauerkraut to make it not sour? --Anonymous Googler, USA
Dear Anonymous,
Bet you didn’t know that I can see the search parameters that land people on this site, and how very fascinated I am by this information. Don’t worry, it doesn’t tell me who you are, just what you searched on. So when I see that someone searched on my name, for example, I can’t help but wonder if it was that guy I was seeing in college that I ended up punching in the face. Yeah, you know who you are and you know you deserved it. Don’t Google me, again.
But back to your earnest question. I have a little experience with sauerkraut, as you’ve no doubt learned here and here. And there’s nothing like a little bit of beginner’s luck to make you feel like a pro.
First off, adding sugar to your sauerkraut is not recommended. It might ease up on the sour, but you will be left with something far worse than what you started with. If you want to return your sauerkraut to its original non-sour state, you will first need to build a time machine. Don’t worry, it’s easy. If it’s homemade sauerkraut you’re looking to desour, you’ll want to set the timer back about two months. When you get to the point in the past after you’ve shredded the cabbage but before you salt it and pack it into the crock, STOP. Do not salt it. Do not pack it into the crock. You will be left with cabbage only, which is what I think you’re really looking for. Sauerkraut, by its very definition, is sour. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s true!
If you’re talking about sauerkraut from the grocery store, you’ll want to send the time machine back to your last shopping trip and ask yourself why you’re buying sauerkraut in the first place. And doesn’t that pastrami look good, instead. Mmmmm, pastrami. It’s not sour at all. Not if you eat it within a week of purchase.
Then, march yourself over to the produce aisle and buy yourself some cabbage, carrots, and an onion. When you get home, shred the cabbage and the carrots, mince some onion, mix them all together along with lots of mayo, a dab of Dijon, a tablespoon or two of vinegar (warning: sour), salt and pepper, and you’ll have some nice coleslaw with which to build the best pastrami sandwich ever. Oh, you’ll also need some rye bread, honey mustard, and Swiss cheese. To construct this awesome sauerkraut-less sandwich, follow the instructions for a Reuben here, making the appropriate substitutions.
Hope this helps,
The Pseudo-Chef
Whoever just Googled “Tammy Donroe stupid idiot moron,” VERY FUNNY!!!
Posted by: Tammy | February 21, 2008 at 09:27 PM
Haha! That cracks me up.
At least you're not the #1 hit when Googling "Cat Sh-- on Carpet". That used to be my dubious honor, thankyouverymuch.
Posted by: Heather | February 22, 2008 at 12:17 AM
How bizarre. I've just read this while eating a pastrami, sauerkraut and cheese toasted sandwich. I didn't make any of the components and I didn't even assemble them myself. I bought it from that shop down the road and it is delicious!
Posted by: Helen | February 22, 2008 at 08:11 AM
Some of the search parameters that have landed people at my site really make me wonder about the general population.
There was someone, a few weeks ago, who wanted to know if gunpowder was edible.
Posted by: Adele | February 22, 2008 at 10:32 AM
Adele: Oh yeah, um, that was me.
Helen: Wow, that's quite the coincidence. I have nothing but this stupid blog post in front of me.
Heather: When our cats shit on the carpet, and they surely will, I'll be sure to Google you.
Posted by: Tammy | February 22, 2008 at 10:04 PM
Welllll...(get ready for some old lady shit here) my father used to always put sugar on his saurkraut. A lot of the old ones did. I always thought that it defeated the whole IDEA of saurkraut, but to each his own.
I've been meaning to ask you - how do you find where people have found you by certain searches? You've mentioned it before, but I can't figure it out. I know I'm always amazed by my site meter count (since I don't post that much). Who are these people? And why are they finding my blog to read? If you could enlighten this old woman, I'd be MOST grateful!
Posted by: Sally | February 23, 2008 at 04:51 PM
Sally: To tell you the truth, the Pseudo-Chef didn't actually try it with sugar because she didn't want to ruin perfectly good sauerkraut. The Pseudo-Chef is also lazy, but shhhhh. We don't want to anger her.
As for stats, I just use the stat counter that comes with Typepad. So, for each page hit, if someone just types in your URL, there's no referring address. But if someone comes from my site to yours from a link, the referring address would be www.foodonthefood.com. Or, if the referring address is www.google.com/search, if you click on it, it will bring you to a page with the search terms. Not sure if your site meter is the same or different.
Posted by: Tammy | February 25, 2008 at 02:24 PM
Thanks Tammy. Blogger doesn't have a site meter per se. I use an outside source. I'll have to check it when I get my stats next Sunday and see if it shows where they come from like yours.
I don't blame you about putting sugar on the saurkraut. Blech!
Posted by: Sally | February 25, 2008 at 03:37 PM
I remember that guy. He totally deserved it.
Posted by: Fish Sauce Hater | February 28, 2008 at 07:59 PM