Hey, did you know it’s 2008?
If you don’t have a resolution, yet, let me make one for you: Don’t waste cheese.
Sounds simple enough, no? So, why are you just sitting there with the lights off and an icepack on your forehead when there are various cheeses in your refrigerator getting moldier and moldier by the second? I mean, even moldier than they’re supposed to be.
Get up. Yes, now. Go downstairs and spread out all of your cheese on the counter. Maybe you have some leftover Great Hill Blue or Westfield Farm Capri or Old Chatham Camembert from the local cheese plate you recently put together. Perhaps, you were also seduced by a Spanish Idiazabal. So sue me.
But don’t feel limited to the snobby cheeses. Got some sketchy cream cheese? The middle is probably still good. Monterey jack? Polly-O string cheese (that shit lasts forever and it kind of freaks me out)? You'll want about a pound of cheese in all. Get out your food processor and throw it all in there in big hunks. Then…
Peel three or four cloves of garlic by wacking them with something (your throbbing head works). Throw those in. Grab that uncorked, half-drunk bottle of white wine that was abandoned in the dining room and pour a bunch in (maybe 5 glugs?). Grind fresh black pepper over the top until it seems like way too much. It’s not. Then pulse. Pulse until it goes from watery to creamy, but it’s still kind of chunky. The consistency might remind you of something, but I’m not going to say it because this is a classy blog.
Scoop this unholy concoction into several oven-tolerant ramekins or mini casserole dishes, then freeze. The next time you have unexpected guests, just pop one into the oven until bubbly and starting to brown. Serve with crusty bread. You'll be so glad you did. There, don’t you feel better?
Okay, fine, go back to bed.