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October 17, 2007

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Ahhhh...at long last the hideous stench of feline feces has had the desired effect. Her resolve is weakening......

If the cats could actually have their cat asses INSIDE the boundaries of the litter box as they heave and strain, things would not be quite so bad.

Can it be happening? Is Tammy coming over to the side of truth and justice? Dare I dream?

I dream of a house without cat fur, cat scratches (furniture, woodwork, floors), cat filth, cat vomit, cat ruining of our laundry area, cat hairballs, cat-destroyed houseplants/flowers, cat spilled water, cat turds, cat dingleberries, cat footprints on the kitchen table, cat scratches on the dining room table, cat stenches, cat fights, cat urine, cat food, cat litter, cat door (grossly encrusted somehow), cat allergies, cat vet bills, cat scratching post detritus, cat trespassing upstairs, cat stealing my spot on the couch when I get up to pee, cat howling, cat meowing, cat puncture wounds, cat claws stuck in nice clothes (sweaters, pants, etc), cat getting stuck in the cat door due to obesity, cat stupidity, cat dumbness, cat uselessness and last but not least: cat retardedness.

I dream........

I bet somebody's in the mood for some kitty litter cake! http://www.fabulousfoods.com/recipes/dessert/cakes/kittylittercake.html

Good God, Jim! That cake is impressive in its disgustingness... Can we be sure that it's an actual cake and not a picture of somebody's litterbox?

Come on son-in-law, stop whining! Remember, once the cats are gone all of your,....shall we say deficiencies...will be all that more noticeable! Trust me, you need the political cover!

Dad: Is that why you have a houseful of cats??

Melch: It is remarkably life-like. Needs more Tootsie Rolls, though.

Jim: Wow. And you whipped that out so fast. Somebody really put a lot of thought into this recipe, down to the little details: "take [Tootsie Roll] and heat until pliable, hang it over the side of the litter box, sprinkling it lightly with cookie crumbs." We could use a lot more of THAT kind of thinking if we truly wish to duplicate the party in the basement. A layer of unbaked brownie batter, for sure. Puddles of sugary soaking syrup that missed the cake and landed over near the punch bowl. Things like that.

Husband: Thank goodness you separated the cat stupidity from the cat dumbness from the cat retardedness. It's so clear now.

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