Last week, I made a dentist appointment for myself for today, Halloween. It’s not as dumb as it sounds. It means it’s been exactly 365 days since my last candy overdose, while simultaneously being the maximum amount of time one should procrastinate between dental visits. It’s also exactly T minus 6 hours until my next candy overdose.
I can hardly wait!
The day after Halloween would be the worst possible time for a dental visit. The flurry of candy wrappers bursting forth from my purse as I attempted to locate my insurance card would only be the beginning. The dentist would then have to chisel through the hard candy coating on my face just to get to my mouth. Although, I’ll admit, it would be fun to see his reaction to the possibility that I might have developed cavities in ALL of my teeth since my last visit.
“Dear God,” he would gasp at my pearly blacks.
“Trick,” I’d shout, trying to annunciate around the emergency medical tools in my mouth. “Just licorice.”
Then, he’d floss out entire candy bars from between my teeth: Kit Kats, Twixes, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
“Oh, so that’s where you’ve been hiding, you bad boys,” I’d quip.
The dentist, ruing the day he spent top dollar on dental school, would not be laughing. “Well, at least you managed somehow to remove all evidence of the NECCO Wafers,” he’d finally concede.
“What? No,” I’d reply, deadly serious. “Those are disgusting.”
Disgusting, I guess, is in the eye of the beholder.
I'm right up there with you. I may have to run out at 4:30 to replace the bag I've eaten already.
Posted by: Susanna | October 31, 2007 at 02:42 PM
Well, I sorta like the chocolate Neccos.
Found a whole roll of chocolate Neccos once.
Happy boo-day. We're handing out Smarties; almost illegally antiquarian.
Posted by: cookiecrumb | October 31, 2007 at 07:46 PM
CC: I can do Smarties under duress. I'll be right over once I've stripped the Butterfingers and 100 Grands from my kids' booty.
Susanna: With all of the packaging, I'm pretty sure one of those bags of miniatures is the equivalent of one regular-sized candy bar.
Posted by: Tammy | October 31, 2007 at 09:28 PM
Yeah, I'm counting on it. Because certainly by now I've consumed 2 whole bags myself. We in Salem always overbuy because every few years, we have a million trick-or-treaters. This year it was the usual 100 (really) and so we had lots of extra. I just ate 2 Almond Joys, 1 Reese's, and 2 Kit-Kats. I'm blaming on this baby I'm carrying. It's all her fault.
Posted by: Susanna | November 02, 2007 at 03:01 PM
It totally is her fault. At least she has good taste!
Posted by: Tammy | November 02, 2007 at 09:34 PM
Don't deprive yourself of eating candies in Halloween. After all, it just happens once a year. But make sure to maintain proper dental care. Remember to brush, floss and go on regular dental check-ups.
Posted by: Bradley Bedell | October 26, 2011 at 04:11 PM