Mission Accomplished (More or Less)

The CBS interview has wrapped and the vomiting was narrowly averted.  I spent the remainder of the evening curled up into the fetal position praying that this counts as my moment in the sun.

Yesterday was actually the second day of taping.  They came last week to film the kids and I shopping at a farm and a local produce market.  That was easy.  We just had to pretend like they weren’t there.  I always ignore my fellow shoppers, so this wasn’t much of a stretch.  However, with the camera guy closing in on us around the peach bins, I couldn’t resist leaning toward the nearest shopper, all secret-like, and whispering, “Is somebody following me?”

Considering the camera guy and the sound guy tailed us everywhere we went, the kids were remarkably not freaked out.  I guess our prowling video footage of every developmental milestone in the Preschooler’s life prepared him well.  The Toddler just hammed it up as if he’d never, ever seen a video camera before, probably because, as the second-born, he hasn’t. 

Other memorable moments caught on film last week: me making a ridiculously big deal about the baby chicks at a local farm (“Kids…look at the chicks over there.  BABY CHIIIIIIICKS!”), when they were clearly ducklings.  Also, the multiple orgasms I had upon discovering bacon in the fridge at the farm store. 

Yesterday’s interview was much, much harder.  As usual, the channel that opens from my brain directly to my left hand does not make any detours along the way.  When the interviewer asks you a question and you immediately turn to your left hand and start demanding answers, THAT, apparently, doesn’t make for “good TV.” 

I disagree.

What does make for good TV, however, is good hair.  That was just not in the cards, I’m afraid.  On my morning to-do list, pretty hair came right after mastering a verbal command of the English language.  I opted for neither.  Especially when my alarm failed to go off that morning even though I checked it fourteen times the night before (Volume control?  Check.  AM, not PM?  Check.  Alarm 1, not Alarm 2?  Crap, wrong one.  Let’s start from the top.).  God damn those alarm clocks.  Do they ever go off when they’re supposed to?

Luckily, after seven hours of off-and-on shooting, Husband arrived home just in time to charm the pants off of the crew.  I’m not sure if a pants-less crew would have made me more or less at ease in front of the camera, but by then I was speaking in tongues and had thrown my hair into a ponytail in defeat, so who cares.

Anyway, it won’t be airing until November.  Or maybe January.  Or, you know, we might pretend like it never happened at all.  I haven’t decided, yet.  I just hope the American public is prepared for my dad’s television debut.

Comments

[trev]

Congrats on this!

Is this a nationally aired early show?!

[Jim]

Are you sure you didn't just unconsciously deactivate the alarm? That happens to me sometimes (all the time)...I kind of want to buy Clocky (http://www.nandahome.com/products.clocky.html) and see if that makes sleeping in impossible.

Congrats on your TV appearance!

[Tammy]

Jim: That's an idea. Although my kids would probably play with Clocky until the battery ran out.

Trev: Yes, mortifyingly. The CBS Early Show, whenever that's on. Early I guess. Where's Clocky?

[Glazed Donuts and Bacon]

Two things:

1) The "Early Show" is CBS' entrant into the 7-9 a.m. morning network programming sweepstakes. It is frequently revamped and regularly has its clock cleaned by "Today"; it does compete well vs. GMA, however. That said, I like that Harry Smith fella.

2) I have racking my brain trying my best to make some sort of glib reference to bacon and orgasms that won't get me into trouble ... but I got nothin'. Although Bacon and Orgasms would be a cool name for a band.

[Tammy]

GDAB: It's impossible. Bacon + Orgasms = Trouble.

[jen maiser]

yay yay yay! i'm sure you did awesome.

[Jim]

GDAB, you have six months to actually establish this band or I will be forced to steal your idea.

It's a law, I read it on the Internet somewhere so it must be true.

[melch]

Don't read this if you don't want to be grossed out! You probably will anyway, but now my conscience is clean(er).

This reminds me of a friend of a friend who can vomit at will - a skill of his ever since he was very little. This guy was working on a film festival and had contacted the local news station repeatedly about it, hoping to get some free publicity. The news station said it was a great idea and they'd get right on it, etc, and avoided the issue until the day after the film festival, when they said he could get a little spot on the news. The guy was so upset, he ate a ton of blue ice cream right before hand and threw it up in the middle of his interview. If curiosity is getting the better of you, google: tyrone interview film festival. It was an internet sensation for a little while.

[Michelle]

OMG. You are funny! I've very much been there, although for a Canadian morning news broadcast, and it all fell apart due to a technical glitch (it was live). Anyway, painful, and the alarm clock...omg, exactly!

Thanks for the laughs! Hope it's better than you imagine!

[Leigh]

Has this show aired yet?

[Tammy]

Not yet. The latest estimate is early November, which reminds me to book a flight somewhere with no TV.