I know I’m about 15 years behind everybody else, but I just joined Costco. This might have been a mistake.
The problem is that I’m not a shopper. When I enter a supermarket, or any store for that matter, I get the hell out of there as quickly as possible and hope I left with some food in my cart. I don’t like to shop. For anything. I would like things to magically appear in my home in the exact quantities that are necessary. I don’t like to store excess things in odd places. I’d rather just run out. Then, I know I need more.
But, I was tempted by the idea of fewer shopping trips and less money spent over the long-term. Since I started “freelancing” four years ago, I’ve managed somehow to lose money. I think this might mean I’m a sucky freelancer, but I have to slack off for at least another year before I can earn the distinguished title of Utterly Failed Freelance Writer. Meanwhile, my lack of income has seriously cut into our luxury lifestyle. We need more jewels. And furs. Costco, I was told, might be able to cut us a deal.
So, there I was last week, wandering down the aisles with my HUGE shopping cart like a deer in headlights. Or, at least, a deer with a shopping problem. About halfway through, I found myself in the unusual predicament of having to choose between a 12-pack of paper towels and a 32-pack of toilet paper. Only one of them would fit in my cart along with the very important 7-pack of Barilla pasta and 3-pack of HUGE Heinz ketchup bottles. It took longer than it should have to make a decision.
I can’t really remember what happened after I shelved the toilet paper. I kind of blacked out at the register, something about not taking MasterCard, and then after signing away one of the kids, I was practically frisked on my way out the door. It’s tighter than airport security over there. The frisker was not cute.
So, even though I probably more than made up for the $50 annual fee on the diapers alone, I’m still feeling used. Like someone just dumped a whole bunch of stuff in my basement and isn’t coming back to pick it up for five years.
On the upside, I may finally be closing in on the ultimate tampon bargain.
The 8 (or was it 10?) packages of hot dogs were shocking to say the least. Also the corresponding buns. That is waaaayyy too many buns.
I hate Costco/BJ's/Sam's Club. Those stores are for people who live in big houses with spacious pantries and lots of storage. Not for folks who live in a 1920-built colonial with small cabinets and an unfinished basement.
Posted by: Huzz-bind | July 26, 2007 at 01:39 PM
Pfft. Ten packs of hot dogs, Husband? That's a mere appetizer.
Posted by: Tammy | July 26, 2007 at 03:23 PM
Costco is a great place to go when you want free lunch. Simply wander the aisles, taking as many samples as you like until you are full. The greeters will start glaring after sample five, but they can do nothing.
I hope you're not planning on trusting them for any fresh ingredients, though--the idea of a store where you can buy ultra-cheap low-grade meat and, at the other end, a bargain coffin is utterly terrifying.
Posted by: Jim | July 26, 2007 at 04:45 PM
Jim: Samples? Oh, that's what those people were doing. I thought they were car salesmen. I avoided eye contact.
No fresh stuff, fear not. I have the farm, my favorite produce market, and the dairy deliveries for that. But I did get a HUGE bottle of multi-vitamins. Are they supposed to make you tired? That's okay, only 247 strength-sapping vitamins to go.
Posted by: Tammy | July 26, 2007 at 09:58 PM
After paying NYC prices (read: close to $4) for a 4 pack of measly, cardboard-style TP, Costco is sounding pretty wonderful right about now.
Posted by: Nosheteria | July 29, 2007 at 01:45 PM
Okay... being that a half gallon of silk soymilk costs like $7.50 out here in Maui, I've learned how to do "smart" shopping.
This, sadly, involves me packing a cooler in my car so that I can make the 2 hour treck to 3 different stores without the cold stuff going bad. The first of which is typically Costco. My suggestion for Costco shopping? Cleaning and paper supplies (paper including diapers, wipes and feminine products). Also, pasta and sauce I may get because... you know... we're italian.
Other than that... just keep wheeling the cart. Don't stop because believe me, everything that you buy on impulse will go to waste. Toilet paper doesn't go bad (unused... that is), neither does laundry detergent. And out here, the difference in cost throughout the year can literally save thousands of dollars.
So, that's my suggestion. No more hot dog buns... but tampons definitely. (beware: their slightly chewer and that tricky string can sometimes cause a problem)
Posted by: Sis | July 31, 2007 at 04:05 PM
Sis: Built-in floss!
Nosheteria: I didn't even know they sold 4-packs of stuff in NYC. Where do you store it?
Posted by: Tammy | July 31, 2007 at 08:45 PM