Well, loyal readers, my letter-writing campaign has finally paid off. Pure logic and determination have prevailed. Dunkin’ Donuts has decided to bring in the big guns to get their doughnuts back up to snuff. And it’s all thanks to me. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to pastry fixer-upper extraordinaire…Rachael Ray?
Wait, seriously? Why, at this very moment, she graces the front, sides, and back of at least three boxes of cereal and crackers in our house, a shocking exposé of how many Nabisco products are currently stashed in our cabinets. It may also explain why my kids sometimes refer to her as “Mommy.”
Yes, apparently, Rachael Ray is the new face of Dunkin’ Donuts, on top of everything else she is the face of. Odd bedfellows, but I guess the girl really needs her coffee. It certainly wouldn’t be the first substance-related hook-up in history. If only Fred the Baker were alive to see this, he might have gotten that much-needed spring in his step.
I can only hope that her cute self will be spending just as much quality time in the Dunkin’ test kitchen, baking doughnut after resurrected doughnut, as she spends at myriad photo shoots and important coffee-related press conferences. As part of her reign, she promises to help DD deliver “better-for-you” food. Funny, I didn’t know health figured into their mission statement. Still, it shouldn’t be too hard. When you’re starting with coffee and doughnuts, there’s really nowhere to go but healthier.
But, before we start adding crazy new products to the Dunkin’ Donuts repertoire, we ought to go back to basics. Really focus on the important things. No, not coffee, damnit, my chocolate honey-dipped doughnuts.
Save the doughnuts, Rachael Ray! The hopes and dreams of at least one person are pinned entirely on you. I know you won’t let me down.