Perdido en Traduccion (Lost in Translation) (Not the Movie)

My dad recently shared with me a great idea for my blog.  Translating my entries into Spanish. 

Wow, the entire Latin American market (plus Spain) at my disposal, which I’m sure is just dying to read my most recent letters of harassment to Dunkin’ Donuts.  Plus, I’m sure everyone’s tiring of Lobstersquad’s charming illustrations, not to mention having to translate everything from English back into Spanish. 

More likely, my dad was just trying to figure out a way to rationalize being $100K in the hole in college tuition.  Tuition wasted on a daughter who majored in Spanish instead of one of the many noble sciences.  Well, I’m sorry, but scientists don’t know how to party like the Spaniards.  There’s really no comparing majors.

So I thought maybe I’d cut the guy a break and humor him, do a translation or two the same way I send him home with food occasionally just to get a short respite from the constant complaining.  Just one problem: my Spanish stinks. 

I used to be somewhat fluent after studying for a year in Madrid during college, eschewing my lame American classmates in favor of handsome Latin ones.  Ones who would bring me for boquerones (anchovies) in smoky bars and dance until 5 a.m.  Luckily for me, the Europeans don’t like to discuss religion, politics, or complex intergovernmental relations, but instead like to focus their conversations around how to get to which museum and how to ask for the check.  So my meager vocabulary and I got by just fine.

For some reason, though, language skills don’t improve after 15 years of disuse.  Go figure.

Still, I’m going to give it a try just this once.  I make no guarantees with regard to grammar, usage, punctuation, accents, tildes, factual integrity, or anything else.  I am limited by a second grader’s understanding of the language and the maturity of a European toddler.  Plus, I’m not sure of the extent to which sarcasm translates from one language to another. 

In other words, don’t expect too much.  Here goes…

Hola.  Mi padre tuvo un gran idea.  El idea mas bueno en la planeta entera.  De traducir mi blogo en espanol desde ingles.  Porque tengo demasiado personas que quieren leer mis palabras brillantes en ingles, que claro, hay mas personas que viven en Latinoamerica (y Espana).  Y es un hecho que latinoamericanos les quieren a los norteamericanos tanto, tanto, tanto, demasiado.  Entonces, aqui estoy.

Pero mira, en realidad no voy a traducir este ensayo.  Mi padre es un poco loco.  Simplemente voy a pretender hacerlo, pero no voy a hacerlo.  Por que?  Porque para traducirlo, necesito un diccionario.  Y mi diccionario esta por alla, en otro lado del cuarto.  Soy un poco vaga.  Que?  Si, yo se que haya un diccionario en el ordenador, pero el no lo sabe.  Callate.  El no habla espanol.  Ademas, tengo mucho sueno.  Quiero dormir.

En vez, voy a escribir a maquina unas palabras para que aparezca traducirlo.  Por ejemplo, mariposa.  Mariposa es una palabra bonita.  Mariposa, mariposa, mariposa.  Tambien, maricon.  Mi esposo siempre me llama maricon.  El no sabe lo que significa, y yo tampoco, pero pienso que sea lo mismo que mariposa. 

Vamos a ver.  Necesito por lo menos un parafo mas.  Que puedo escribir?  Oh, necesito una receta buena para tortilla Espanola.  Pero buena.  Alguien?

Comments

[Dad]

My, my, what a dad learns many years after the fact!! 5:30am huh? Well, at least someone got their money's worth!
BTW, we scientists can party! It's just that it's hard to dance to a seminar on Genetic Mapping of the 41C Resistance Marker in B. subtilis by Transformation and PBS-1 Mediated Transduction. I know, I've tried!

[Lo siento mucho]

What would be funny would be to now insert your blog entry into an online translator and translate it back. For example, using Google's translation tools:

Hello. My father had a great idea. The good idea but in the whole planet. to translate my blogo in espanol from English. Because I have too many people whom they love to read my shining words in English, which sure there are but people who live in Latin America (and Espana). And it is a fact that Latin American the North Americans want to them as much, as much, as much, too much. Then, I am here.

[Tammy]

Yep, that's pretty much right on target.

He nice, the Jesus.

[cookiecrumb]

Que lastima para tu papa! Muy divertido.

[Dad]

By the way, does "Mi padre es un poco loco" mean what I think it means?

[spaniard]

maricon means faggot

[Tammy]

Faggot, as in bundle of sticks? How insulting.

[bea at La tartine gourmande]

Great idea. I cannot wait to brush up on my Spanish!

[Heath]

excelente. yo puedo practicar mi espanol tambien! (es espanol de ristorante - pues, hable mucho de cosas de la cocina, por favor, y yo puedo comprender.) (pero, mis verbos son muy malos. mis amigos hispanos siempre me riojan, diciendo que yo hablo como un nino de dos anos. maricones.)

whew. it's been a long time. i need a nap now.

[Tammy]

For you non-Spanish speakers, here is the rest of it translated per Google:

But it watches, in fact I am not going to translate this test. My father is a little crazy. Simply I am going to try to do it, but I am not going to do it. So that? Because to translate it, I need a dictionary. And my dictionary this over there, in another side of the quarter. I am a little vague. That? If, I that there am a dictionary in the computer, but it does not know it. Callate. Espanol does not speak. In addition, I have much I sound. I want to sleep.

In time, I am going to write to machine words so that it appears to translate it. For example, butterfly. Butterfly is a pretty word. Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly. Also, fag. My husband always calls fag to me. He does not know what means, and I either, but do not think that is just like butterfly. We are going to see.

I need parafo at least but. That I can write? Oh, I need a good prescription for Espanola tortilla. But good. Somebody?

I wonder if El Pais is looking for writers?

[lobstersquad]

Hmm, I see you´ve never partied with Spanish scientists. They´re quite something!

[Lip my stockings! Lip them!]

Then I translated your first paragraph from Spanish to English, to Japanese, back to English, all on Google ...

Today. There was the thought of being good to my father. All planet it is good, but you think. In order to translate my blogo of espanol from English. In me it is truly there, but because, Latin America the people who have lived reading my shining word of English which loves even excessively there are many people (and in Espana). And as for that as for the Latin American North American person the rank fact of rank of the question lie which you think that the rank we want those, it is exaggerated. And, as for me it is here.

[IvanSuvorov30]

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