Lately, I've been doing some painting. Not artistic, watercolor-on-paper type of painting. I don't have those kinds of mad skills. No, just the application of a single color onto a few walls in more or less of a straight line. I'm not skilled in this, either, but with enough "shits" and "goddamnits," the paint eventually sticks.
So, I recently painted both our bathrooms. I wasn't going to mention it because it didn't seem particularly relevant to the very strict food theme I follow in this here blog. But, actually, it is.
It all started with a very conspicuous cotton-candy-pink bathroom. I like the occasional cotton candy served up in a carnival setting, but I never like it on my walls. I hate pink. Can't bear it. And as soon as my one-year-old started pretending like he was going to sleep through the night, I committed myself to trading in those Pepto-Bismol walls for something more along the lines of a cool, refreshing green. Not cucumber or lime, but maybe...apple green. That was it.
Off I went to my local Benjamin Moore supplier, and returned with a variety of delectable paint chips: APPLE GREEN. PEAR GREEN. GRAPE GREEN. DILL PICKLE. I made myself a little snack, and decided to go with the brightest of the four: APPLE GREEN. Why not?
Neon green, as it turned out to be, is nearly as putrid as the aforementioned pink. And in the windowless closet that is my bathroom, the effect was disturbing. As if some secret, radioactive experiment had gone horribly wrong.
But, since my one-year-old really had no intention of sleeping through the night, then or ever, I had plenty of quality time to repaint. My downstairs bathroom is now a lovely shade of PEAR GREEN, which is vibrant and airy and doesn't sear my retinas.
On the wall, Benjamin Moore's PEAR GREEN. In the frame, Robert Spellman's yellow banana.
Moving on to my upstairs bathroom, I decided to veer away from scary bright colors and instead delve into scary dark colors. Like brown. That's right, brown in the bathroom. I live with three boys. Might as well get used to it. We narrowed it down to three: CHOCOLATE TRUFFLE. MORNING COFFEE. WARM BROWNIE. Snack break, anyone? My husband pushed hard for the coffee flavor, and so now I have to take back everything I said about caffeine. It looks awesome smeared all over the walls.
Benjamin Moore's MORNING COFFEE. On ice.
Which got me thinking about my kitchen. Actually, my friend Erin, who knows about all things tasteful, got me thinking about my kitchen and how ugly my cabinets are. Tactfully, of course. Why not paint them? Well, why not. And while you're at it, a fresh coat of paint on the walls wouldn't hurt, either? Right, you are.
Six thousand yellow and off-white paint chips later, I've picked a cabinet color. VANILLA ICE CREAM, naturally. But, I'm still flummoxed by the wall color possibilities. While HAWTHORNE YELLOW, WESTON FLAX, and CONCORD IVORY are lovely hues with proper New England names, I'm inexplicably drawn to FRESH BUTTER and GOLDEN HONEY. It seems the only fair thing to do would be: FRESH BUTTER for the first coat, GOLDEN HONEY for the second coat, the same way I take my morning toast.
Maybe I shouldn't be picking my paint colors on an empty stomach?
Or should I? Come to think of it, we painted our dining room a sultry shade of SANGRIA, and I've never looked back. The living room is LIGHT COCOA. Our bedroom, SANDCASTLE. Mmmm, gritty.
This might sound crazy, but have you ever wanted to lick your walls? If so, I can testify that, under the right circumstances, plaster's yummy.