Well, it has come to my attention that the cookbook I’ve been working on for two years doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting published in the mainstream. Nobody put it into exactly those terms, but like I’ve said before, I can read between lines.
These days, it seems, only celebrities get to publish cookbooks. And last I checked, short, bespectacled brunettes of the non-buxom variety are precluded from becoming celebrities. Oh well, at least I dodged that bullet.
Now, let me just interject to say that I’m still planning on inflicting my book proposal on a few unlucky publishers. This is part of the freelance writer’s job, to bring down their own morale, and hopefully those of others, as often and as mercilessly as possible.
One of the many gifts my parents gave me was a staunch perseverance in the face of unreasonable odds. Not unlike our Iraq policy. When I was growing up, my father’s motto was: Aim very high…but don’t get your hopes up. Over the years, I revised this to become: Aim high, get your hopes up, and then get super-pissed when things don’t go your way. To each, his own.
On the other hand, if there’s anything that society has taught me, it’s when the going gets tough, post nude pictures of yourself on the Internet. Or questionable video. After serious consideration, I have decided that this will not help my cause. In fact, it may even induce blindness in prospective publishers, and my manuscript doesn’t come in Braille. So instead, I’m going to post fully clothed pictures of other people on the Internet, with their express permission. Not biting? All right, I’ll even throw in a few recipes.
In other words, you all get to read my cookbook for free. Score!
Who’s actually scoring has yet to be determined. My husband would like to go on record to say, not him. I would also add, not the Ivy League schools to which I was hoping to send my children. One potential scorer might be the cleaning lady I hire to sweep up the remnants of my shattered hopes and dreams. And also Dunkin’ Donuts, which will have the sweetest revenge of all when I’m forced to apply for a job.
More to come…