Another Letter to Dunkin’ Donuts

In response to my earlier complaint about their crap-ass doughnuts, Dunkin’ Donuts sent me an e-mail.  I have to give them credit, they wrote me back within 24 hours.  I have no idea how they pulled it off so quickly.  Here's an excerpt:

Dear Tammy

Thank you for taking the time to contact Dunkin' Donuts.  We always appreciate hearing from our customers.  It's important to us to get feedback both good and bad about our products and the service you receive at our shops. We will make sure your comments get heard and shared with the appropriate people.

At Dunkin' Donuts we value our customers and…blah, blah, blah, more stuff cut and pasted from what they sent to the last crackpot to write in, subtext: what’s wrong with you, it’s a stupid doughnut, don’t you have a life?…

Thank you and have a great day.

Customer Relations Associate *Boy, do I hate my job* # 23

The answer to your question, CRA #23, is a resounding *no.*  I do not have a life. 

This was my reply to their reply:

Dear Dunkin’ Donuts:

Thank you so much for your very personal and heartfelt response.  In these cynical times, it’s nice to know that one person really can make a difference.  I’m so glad that one person is me.

Since you’ve been so open to constructive criticism, I will share one more story to illustrate further the need to improve your doughnut-making technique, specifically, but not limited to, your chocolate glazed variety.

Over the summer, we hired three college students to paint our house.  My husband, who was heading in your direction anyway to feed his thrice-daily ice coffee addiction, brought back a dozen doughnuts for them, as well as a keg of coffee to fuel their well-meaning-but- slackerish spirits.  The young men politely accepted the offering and, after several enthusiastic keg stands, then proceeded to eat none of the doughnuts.  Not a single one.  All day long.  College students.

My husband speculated that they were all diabetic.  What are the odds of that? 

I wish I could participate in the recent coffee craze, but I don’t drink coffee because I don’t do drugs.  Well, except for chocolate.  The way I see it, you’re on borrowed time.  It won’t be long before they’re on you the same way they’re on the cigarette companies.  And when that happens, won’t you wish you had a halfway decent doughnut to fall back on? 

I appreciate your willingness to share my comments with the appropriate people.  I assume that can only mean the CEO of Dunkin’ Donuts, himself, Jon Luther.  I’m sure he will be devastated by popular opinion and will enact changes with great haste.  How long do you think it will take?  Three weeks?  A month?  At any rate, I look forward to seeing the improvements we talked about in early 2007. 

Thank you for such a dynamic customer service experience.  I look forward to another delightful response!

Sincerely,

Tammy Donroe

P.S. I hope they aren’t paying you in doughnuts.

I sent this two weeks ago.  They never responded.  I can’t understand why.

Comments

[shuna fish lydon]

I hear your pain.
I wrote a letter to Food & Wine about why they and their prestigious selves would print a recipe for butterscotch pudding that used artificial chips.
A lot of my readers had been outraged too. But they did not print my letter.

(do you remember how to make pate a choux? this dough makes excellent doughnuts...)

[Carol]

The problem with Dunkin' Doughnuts is that they all taste alike, which is bizarre. One expects a chocolate glazed doughnut to taste like chocolate...not like a brown crayon dipped in high Frankenfructose corn syrup. Their coffee still rocks, however.

[Tammy]

Carol, your brown crayon assessment is right on. Just perfect.

Shuna, it's a plague. The chefs here do the same thing. I'm not kidding. Is it so hard to make butterscotch taste like butterscotch without the chips? Don't know. But, perhaps this is a subject that should be blogged.